Connected At The Heart
The other afternoon, a man whom I’ve known for more than twenty-five years asked for advice about his relationship with his child. I believe his exact words were, “I’m having problems connecting with my son.” As soon as I hung up, I knew it! I failed the father on the other end of the phone.
Sure, I offered the usual words of parenting direction and encouragement. I shared with the father Jim Rohn’s quote, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” and asked him about the five people his son apportions his time. The inference, of course, was that the father should encourage his son to select a better version of friends – allies whose journeys lead to the triumphant destination his father desires for his son rather than the troubling endpoint his father fears his son might arrive.
We talked about the Triple E: Exposure, Environment, and Experiences. I shared insights about the conscious and subconscious mind and how we become who we are by age seven from unconscious exposure to people, places, and things, the environment we live in and visit, and the totality of our experiences. The implication was that the father might need to change his son’s conscious by exposing him to the things his father prefers, the environment best suited to deliver the outcomes the father desires, and the daily experiences which will inseparably connect the father and son.
FAIL SPECTACULARLY
In retrospect, I know sharing either Jim Rohn’s quote or the Triple E was not very helpful. I might as well have been Charlie Brown’s teacher, Miss Othmar and he may as well have been Charlie Brown because what I said that day was little more than “wah wah, wah wah wah.”
It wasn’t that knowing that reprogramming the conscious mind isn’t extraordinary because it is. Understanding how to change our future by changing how we think in the present is critical for anyone who wants to be a better version of themselves today. Not to mention, it can never be understated the value of knowing why we must carefully guard whom we allow in our inner circle because birds of a feather do indeed flock together.
Yet, good advice and the best of intentions aside, I failed that father, and I did so spectacularly. And you know what is so bad about failing not failing itself. Failing is part of life’s process. I’ve committed my time that I remain on this planet to helping, serving, and making sure others know their life matters; thus, I know better than most that failure is always a distinct possibility.
However, my spectacular failure is that it didn’t dawn on me immediately that what the father needed from me was something profoundly simple. The father didn’t need a neuroscience lesson or a brainy quote with a moral to the story. The father needed to know how to connect with his son, how to take immediate action to improve his relationship with his son, how to have a great life with his son without the input or efforts of anyone other than the father.
CONNECTED AT THE HEART
What made this failure so absurdly spectacular was that I knew what I should have said the moment we hung up. But I just forgot to listen and speak from my heart. All I needed to do was step back for a second and think with my heart before speaking. What I needed to say was, “you must connect with your son at the heart.”
I failed to encourage him to do the most important thing any parent can do, which is making sure our children know we love them, to make sure they feel the depth of our love every day in every way. That’s it! That’s what I should have implored the father to do – to make sure that from this day forward, not a day goes by where his son does not experience in word and deed the genuineness and deepness of his love.
So if you are reading this and you are – like the father whom I failed – having trouble connecting with your child, I want you to do one thing starting today. I implore you to connect with your child at the heart.
DO IT TODAY
Should you not know where or how to start, no problem, I’ve got you. And let me assure you that the process of connecting is much easier than listening to me pontificate about brain science and famous quotes.
Starting right now, I want you to do the following:
- Envision the best day ever with your child – start writing in a journal the emotional words that you feel when you associate the thoughts of that best day.
- Chronicle the best day with your child – create a collage of what that best day looks like with evocative images, pictures, and photos.
- Write/Video a message to your child – review your journal, reflect on your collage and then record a video or write something loving, encouraging, inspirational, or positively instructive to your child.
- Hug and kiss your child – don’t you dare let a day pass without affording your child an outward expression of your heartfelt connection.
Do the things mentioned above today, do them every day. Follow the instructions above 365 days a year. Do not take a day off.
Why no days off, you might wonder. Simple because tomorrow is not promised, and neither you nor your child can afford to miss an opportunity to be connected at the heart.
FATHER IF YOU’RE READING THIS
I wish I had instructed you this way: imagine that today is the last day to have the best day with your child, that today is the last day to proclaim your adoration for your child and that this moment is the last chance you will ever have to hug and kiss your child because it could be. As a child not connected at the heart to his deceased father, I can assure you that you don’t want to leave anything undone or unsaid.
So that you don’t have any regrets tomorrow, I plead with you while you are still able, and while you still have time, please connect with your child at the heart today.
Are you connected at the heart with your child? Do you write love letters to your child? Do you journal your hopes and dreams for your child? Do you love your child in word and deed daily or are you waiting to do so tomorrow?