Sorry, Son! I Know That I Worry A Lot!

I worry about my son more than I’d like to and I know more than he’d like me to worry.  He has informed me numerous times both overtly and slyly that he wishes I would stop worrying.  But I can’t stop worrying.  In fact, the older he gets, the more I seem to worry.

He often thinks I worry about him making some boneheaded decisions during his life’s journey.  The truth is that I rarely worry about him doing something dumb.  I don’t worry about him making an intellectually inferior decision because I already know that he will.

BRAIN DEVELOPMENT

What’s the point of worrying about something you know is going to happen?  Dumb decisions are an evolutionary precursor to growing up – they are part of every adult’s maturation process.

As science has proven using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), the male brain, for example, doesn’t fully develop until age 25.   Thus according to science, I have a few more years, before I can expect him to no longer make bonehead decisions.

Putting scientific findings aside, you should know that I didn’t need to read a scientific journal to know my son will disappoint me from time to time.  I absolutely know and expect that he will make mistakes because I made them when I was growing up.  (FYI: Just between you and me, unlike many of my perfect parenting peers, I was not a perfect child.)

HUMANITY GAP

Why bother worrying about my son if I already know from firsthand experience that the journey towards adulthood is paved with missteps?  I’m anxious about his well-being because our nation disregards and deprives people of their humanity daily.

On the morning of March 18, 2018, a young man named Stephon Clark and my son, Naeem, were the same age.  On the evening of March 18^th, Stephon Clark, a 22-year-old African American male, who was the same age as my son, was shot and killed.

Stephon is now gone and he and Naeem are unlikely to ever be the same age again.  Perhaps, the more accurate but morbidly hopeful way to express my last thought is to say “now that Stephon is gone, I hope and pray that Stephon and Naeem never share the same age again”.

CITIES BY THE BAY

On March 18^th, Stephon and Naeem were both living in northern California.  Stephon in Sacramento and Naeem in Santa Clara.  Both shared dark brown complexioned skin and short miniature afro cuts.  It’s quite possible that the last time they went to get a haircut they both selected from the Black Barber Shop Cut Chart.

Unfortunately, Stephon won’t get a chance to select another haircut style.  Stephon won’t get a chance to shoot the breeze in the barbershop ever again.  Unlike Naeem, Stephon’s family won’t be able to tell him to be great today, to reassure him of how much he is loved, or work his nerve with precision like attorney interrogations about his decision-making process.

Instead, Stephon’s family is left to mourn, to spend the rest of their lives grieving the loss of their loved one.  Dissimilar from Naeem, Stephon will never again hear his family say that they are worried about him because the Sacramento police disregarded and deprived Stephon of his humanity.

EXCEPTION TO THE RULE

It is alleged that Stephon was shot twenty times which is approximately one round for each year of his life.  For me, shooting someone once would be abhorrent.  And shooting someone twenty-times would be an unconscionable thing to do.

Yet, whenever people die a senseless death, particularly at the hands of law enforcement, parents from the community of the slain child are asked to remember that the tragedy is the exception and not the rule.  An exception to the rule, as in let’s make a concession or compromise for the loss of a life.  Alas, for Stephon and his family there is no way to ignore the sting of death or to omit the eternal loss of his presence.

AND SO, I CONTINUE TO WORRY

It seems to me that anyone who could shoot a human being twenty-times, an unarmed human being for that matter, is a person capable of disregarding and depriving additional people like my son of their humanity.  Ironically, the police officer who killed Stephon is not only still employed but imploring the nation to respect and honor his humanity.

And so, I continue to worry.  Not that my son will make one those evolutionary boneheaded mistakes but that someone sworn to protect and serve will disregard and deprive my son of his humanity and fill his body with a bullet for each year of his life.

What worries do you have about your children’s humanity?  Do you worry each time your child leaves your presence that they might be deprived of their humanity?