I Wonder, Are You a Good Samaritan or an Insensitive Bystander?

The other evening, I went to see Wonder.  Yes, Wonder!  The movie about the New York Times bestselling children’s book, Wonder by R.J. Palacio.  Although, it’s a story about a ten-year-old boy, it’s a movie that can be enjoyed by the entire family.  If you have not seen Wonder, I highly encourage you to do so.

Wonder highlights several teachable moments for parents and children alike.  There were the obvious illustrations like the cruelty of bullying, the consequences of unchecked privilege, the oft-ignored reverberations of divorce, and the unquestioned value of having a loving family and compassionate friends.  And as easy as it would have been for me to watch the movie and focus solely on those obvious themes my mind would not allow me to do so.

I KNOW WONDER

While watching Wonder, my mind wandered so many times that I considered going to the lobby to ask for a pen and a pad so that I could start writing.  There was also a time or two during the movie that I wanted to yell out loud to the predominantly White audience.  I contemplated screaming “Auggie is my African American son and what you are watching is the way you and your children typically received him anytime he enrolled in your schools”.

For just once, I wanted to publicly share with the audience the painfully unkind words that were periodically used to describe him – words like nigger, spongy (as in the texture of his hair), etc.  Moreover, I thought about recapping the historical frequency during his childhood when for no other reason than the color of his skin he was excluded from get-togethers, sleepovers, and birthday parties.

But I kept these thoughts to myself and stayed silent.  In part, I stayed quiet because I figured people would think that I was just some ABM (angry Black man) and I didn’t want to end up in jail.  Not to mention, my son is a senior in college now and it was doubtful that anyone in the audience went to school with him during his K-12 years.

I also kept quiet because I could hear my mom’s voice, “Nate, you don’t have to tell people everything you think”.  See mom, I still listen to you.  Well sort of…

DO YOU BELIEVE IN HUMANITY?

I really wanted to stop every parent and child as they gleefully exited the theatre – folks feeling good about themselves and the movie’s outcome.  There was a universal question I wanted to ask.  I wanted to know if they saw themselves in the movie as I did.  I was curious if they saw themselves as Auggie, Auggie’s family & friends, Auggie’s antagonist, or as the students and families of the school.

Of course, if I had questioned each person, I would have taken the time to explain the reason for my inquiry.  I would have added that I’m asking you these questions because I’m concerned about the future of the planet.  I would have stressed that it’s time for us to give more thought to our actions and inactions.  I believe I would have said, “it is my contention that we, humankind, are facing the existential question of our lifetime – Do humans believe in humanity?”

In case it is not already obvious to you, Wonder affected me deeply.  For me, Wonder is much more than a story about a fictional boy named Auggie Pullman.  Wonder is a social interrogation about who we, humans, intend to be.  Wonder is an explanation, an examination, a case study, if you will for why children are bullied, why women are harassed and abused, why corporations and governments lack diversity, inclusiveness, and equity, and to a greater extent why I contend that humanity is on the brink of self-destruction.

PREDICTABLE BEHAVIOR

During the movie, whenever Auggie was mistreated, the audience unanimously gasped for air.  When Auggie was shown compassion, the audience roared with one approving voice.  To say that the audience’s responses were predictable would be an understatement.

We love stories like Wonder where good triumphs over evil – movies that have a happy ending.  Unfortunately, in real life, most of us won’t lift a finger to make a happy ending a reality for someone else.  We are a Nation of Insensitive Bystanders, Real Life Spectators.

We have been raised to be Insensitive Bystanders – to simply watch, to be dispassionate onlookers even and especially when others are being bullied, oppressed or worse.  Our National custom of being Insensitive Bystanders is why the current news cycle is inundated with story after story of one man after another being accused of sexual harassment and assault.  It’s also why the next news cycle will be besieged with one story after another about some other human catastrophe – a tragedy that could have been avoided if we were not a Nation of Insensitive Bystanders – if the collective would finally rise up to do something other than be spectators of real life.

AMERICAN TRADITION

Insensitive Bystanding is an established American tradition that has been passed along from generation to generation.  There hasn’t been a day in the history of this Nation where parents haven’t been modeling human dispassion for our children to follow.  If you don’t believe me Google Native American Genocide, slavery, Jim Crow, Segregation, Women’s Suffrage, LGBTQIA movement, Jewish Holocaust, Internment of Japanese Americans, and Wealth & Income Inequality for starters.

This is the embarrassing truth about parents and the insensitive bystanding way that we raise children.  We raise children – like the multitude of children in Auggie’s school – who never say a word to the handful of antagonists that make a child’s life a living hell.  We raise children – just as most of the Beecher Prep middle school students did – who watch daily without extending the compassion they would desire if they were a child struggling to fit in like Auggie.

We are the parents that cause other parents, like Mr. & Mrs. Pullman, to fear sending their child to the neighborhood school – the school they support with their tax dollars – because they do not trust us to raise benevolent children – good Samaritans who will eagerly speak up and willingly help the deformed child, the differently abled child, the racially diverse child, the immigrant child, the transgendered child…their child.

GOOD SAMARITAN OR INSENSITIVE BYSTANDER

Since I didn’t ask the audience about the things I pondered, I’ll ask you.  I wonder what instructions you have given to your child about how you expect them to behave when the new, the different child shows up to school?  I wonder what directions you have provided your child on how to handle situations where any child is being bullied?  I wonder when if ever you have extended your support or assistance to the family of the new or different child?  I wonder, I wonder, I wonder…

I wonder, are you raising a Good Samaritan or an Insensitive Bystander?