Co-Founder of The Raising Supaman Project. Author of What Are We Gonna Do Today?

Asking “how do you love a child” might sound like a ridiculous question but believe it or not the query is not as outlandish as you think. The majority of parents intuitively know the answer but our unconscious behavior often suggest something altogether different.

THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU

This morning some parent and their child had a heated exchange. Perhaps the daughter was late getting up because she was texting with friends long past her bedtime. Maybe the son failed to complete all his homework because he spent too much time after school playing video games. Whatever the case, mom and/or dad were not happy with their child this morning. And when they sent their children off to school they did so having made it perfectly clear just how displeased they were.

Routinely in these early morning heated exchanges, a parent’s displeasure manifests itself in a number of ways. Like the wise adults and role models that we are, we do all the most immature things to convey our unhappiness.

We refuse to make breakfast, we tell our children to find their own way to school, we withhold their lunch money, we put them on punishment and we say things that we really don’t mean just to name a few. (On a side note, it’s worth noting that our behavior is the behavior of the “good parents”. There are other parents who do the most vile and despicable things.)

THE LAST WORD

Regrettably, for some unfortunate mom and/or dad the last conversation, the last interaction, the longest lasting and most indelible memory will be this morning’s contentious moment. Some parent’s life will be forever impacted by the precious time wasted arguing with their child; the avoidable occasion that they are now forced to replay over and over in their mind for the rest of their life; and those hurtful words and juvenile deeds that they would give anything to be able to take back.

Yet, life for as rich as it can be, life affords us only one chance to get it right. Our life, the life we share with our children is nothing like the Milton Bradley board game. There are no do overs. There are no restarts. We either do it right this time or we get it wrong for a lifetime.

SEE YOU AGAIN

So how do you love a child? You try not to ever lose sight of a few very important principles:

1. Tomorrow is really not promised – We all know and use this expression but rarely do we appreciate the seriousness of this idiom until it’s too late. Losing someone you love is excruciating which is why we can ill afford to let one second of one minute pass without loving our children as if today is our last day together. It very well could be!
2. Your child is your legacy, you are merely a current event – It’s easy for parents to get caught up in our own self-importance. At times we allow so many immediate things to take precedence in and over our lives. However, this you must know. When our time expires, today’s pressing issues will be of little to no consequence. What will matter forever more is how you are remembered. And most of us if we are to be remembered at all, we will be remembered by how we treated and raised our children. Word to the wise, take care of your legacy!
3. Celebrate and celebrate some more – Children are the greatest and most important contribution anyone can make to society. So find a way each day to celebrate your child, to honor their life, and to express gratitude for their existence. Our children become the people who improve and change the world. Isn’t that something worth celebrating? Celebrate now while you still have the chance!

THAT’S MY STORY

Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Unless you are new to this blog, you know what I’m suggesting as the way to love your child is precisely how I have loved and continue to love my son. Believe me, I would never suggest that you do something unless I have tried it or am doing it myself.

I don’t know any other way to love my child than as I have outlined above. For me, there is no other way to love a child than to be in the moment, to reverence them as the gift that they are, and to rejoice every time we hear their voice and/or spend time with them. This is the process I follow for loving my child. And I am unashamed to tell you that so far loving my son has been a blast.

P.S. Soop if you are reading this, I probably don’t need to tell you but I’ll say it anyway “without you the days are so long, I love you my main man, and I can’t wait to see you again!”

How do you love your child? What suggestions would you add to the process?