Father’s Day Is Sunday and I Couldn’t Care Less

This Sunday, America will do as it erroneously does every year – pay homage to fathers everywhere. Now I realize my last statement might seem peculiar coming from a man who has found indescribable joy from being a father. Yet, no matter the overwhelming adulation I have experienced as the father of the most loving child, I have consistently felt mixed emotions and an uneasiness about Father’s Day.

In the past, I have kept my thoughts about Father’s Day mostly to myself. However, this year is going to be different. This year I’m done worrying about what others might think about my feelings regarding Father’s Day.

The truth is that there is just too much at stake. This year, I’m here to proclaim it loud and proud – Father’s Day should be abolished.

ALL MEN ARE NOT CREATED EQUALLY

With each passing year, my disdain for Father’s Day grows. For starters, you should know that my objection to Father’s Day goes far beyond the contempt I feel towards this make believe holiday and its capitalistic driven motive to stimulate the economy.

One of the many things driving my growing objection to Father’s Day is the depiction of all fathers being equal. All fathers are, in fact, not equal. Regrettably though, Father’s Day treats all fathers homogeneously.

The entire twenty-four hours that is set-aside for Father’s Day is an exercise in unadulterated lunacy. The failures are honored with the successful. The mediocre are celebrated with the greats. The scum of the earth are esteemed with the best.

Fathers who are barely around are celebrated with the identical greeting cards as those given to fathers who are consistently and purposely engaged. Fathers who are abusive are honored with gifts similar to those given to fathers who are the epitome of the expression “well-behaved”. Fathers who are deadbeat are allowed to order and be served from the same menu, in the very restaurant, seated right next to the financially responsible father.

In so many unfortunate ways, Father’s Day has become like pee-wee sports. And many of those same fathers who themselves lament youth sports have the nerve to benefit from a similar system – a system that gives all kids in a uniform regardless of their effort, place, or contributions a trophy at the end of the season.

On Father’s Day, all men – who too often have done little more than contribute the requisite amount of sperm to create a baby – are acknowledged regardless of their effort to be a father or favorably recognized whether or not they’ve made any meaningful contribution to their child’s life.

LOW/DIMINISHED EXPECTATIONS

The standardized classification of fathers causes what can only best described as an additional unintended consequence. Lumping all fathers together seems like it does nothing but diminish what should be expected of men.

Consider the way fathers are routinely separated into two distinct categories: men who “do the right thing” and men “who do not”. Men who “do the right thing” are placed on a pedestal. Yet, the truth is that no father even those who “do the right thing” deserve to be elevated. Fathers who “do the right thing” are not doing anything special. Fathers who “do the right thing” are merely doing what fathers are supposed to do.

Fathers are supposed to “do the right thing” without exception or without equivocation. It is a father’s undeniable obligation to be willing to give his all for his child. Father means a man who gives his mind, sacrifices his body and tenders his soul for the life of his child.

EXPECT MORE

The diminished expectations of men was highlighted by a recent news story. The story featured Malcolm Milliones, a father, who rescued his son from a carjacking. Mr. Milliones who hopped on an SUV to rescue his son has since been described by the media as a hero.

I don’t mean to minimize what Mr. Milliones did to save his own son but describing his behavior as heroic is asinine. What else is a father supposed to do when his child is involved in a carjacking? Is he supposed to wave goodbye to his child? Why should any father be classified as a hero for putting his child’s life before his own? Would the media describe the father who would do nothing if his child was abducted as typical or ordinary?

The routine way that fathers are so often described is minimalistic, short-sighted and unacceptable. So little is expected of fathers that when a man acts as a father should his behavior is incorrectly deemed “heroic”. And the worst part is that the story of Malcom Milliones is just another one of the many sad examples that brings to light the glaring failure of so few men upholding the title of father.

Mr. Milliones’ actions might have been brave but one does not become a hero for saving their own child. The only thing Mr. Milliones did was be a father. Sadly, this reality is missed by many fathers and the media.

A BETTER OPTION

I could continue to decry the flaws of Father’s Day but I won’t. Well maybe, I’ll just ask one more question. Is it really a celebration when children who are unemployed spend dad’s money to buy dad a gift – namely a tie – that dad would never buy himself? I’m just asking.

Okay, I’m done complaining. Instead of continuing my rant, I’m going to offer an optional use for the day America set aside as Father’s Day. Rather than waste the day, why not turn Father’s Day into something that means a whole lot more than an annual Hallmark card moment? Why not turn Father’s Day into FATHERS EVERY DAY.

I don’t know about other fathers but I’m tired of all fathers – good, bad, or average – being lumped together. Moreover, I’m tired of seeing children suffer and be cheated by disrespectful and absent men – men who willingly participated in the act that gave children life but are now unwilling to fulfill their role as father. It’s past time that ALL fathers respect the title.

TIME TO ABOLISH FATHER’S DAY

Fathers who understand fatherhood know that Father’s Day is unnecessary. Fathers who understand fatherhood know that FATHERS ARE NECESSARY. Fathers don’t need or deserve a day for “doing the right thing”. The only thing that matters this day or any other day is that ALL children have FATHERS EVERY DAY!

So I’m imploring all fathers to use Father’s Day as the starting point to be compassionately, intentionally and continuously engaged each and every day in the lives of our children. Let Sunday be the beginning for those fathers who have not held fatherhood with the appropriate regard as a day to begin reverencing the extraordinary gift of being a father. Let Sunday be the continuation for those fathers who are already fulfilling the expectations of fathers to strive to be even better than we thought possible. Let Father’s Day be the day where ALL fathers take aim to raise the expectations of men and where men collectively show the world that we can reach a higher level of fatherhood.

It’s time!

Are you reverencing the role of father? Would your father’s face appear in Wikipedia if we searched father?