Practice What You Preach
Giving advice and keeping your child encouraged are two of the cornerstones of parenting. When children are faced with tough decisions parents are there to share wisdom and insight that might make the choices appear less demanding and clearer. When children are down in the dumps parents are there to inspire them to believe hope is not lost and that as long as they have breath they have a chance.
But what happens when a parent has lost their own way? What happens when discouragement has climbed on a parents back like a thousand pound albatross? What happens when a child desperately needs an engaged and enthusiastic parent but finds instead a self-absorbed listless pity-party having role model? More succinctly, what happens when a parent no longer adheres to the creed ‘Practice What You Preach’?
BAD NEWS
When parents desert the creed ‘Practice What You Preach’, the results are disastrous. For starters, the child learns that the person they most look up to is a charlatan. Like the curtain being pulled back to find out that the Wizard of Oz has no powers, parents who are unable to ‘Practice What You Preach’ are establishing a foundation where there children will think of them as “The Great Pretender”. “Why believe in my parents” the child asks, “if they are nothing like the person they profess to be.”
Parents who are knocked down, unable to pick themselves up, dust themselves off and compose themselves leave their children with another unenviable reconciliation. If mom or dad can’t get their stuff (PG rating) together children are left to doubt their capacity to overcome their challenges. If the strongest, bravest and most determined person a child knows is brooding and despondent, a child is more likely to act accordingly – believing themselves to be the conquered rather than the conqueror, capable of only being the victim and never the victor.
PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH
I know that there are times where we all want to give up. Quitting is part of human nature. In fact, there are times when quitting is the best option. Some people quit all the times while others battle obstinately refusing to quit.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful particularly during those challenging times where we shouldn’t quit if we could approach life the way we play miniature golf? When we hit a bad shot we say “mulligan” and replay the shot. How wonderful would it be if life was lived similarly with a do over or retry button? Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. Instead, we have to find a real way to deal with discomfort and disappointment.
Like you, I have moments where I want to go to the Great Customer Service Desk to inform whoever is in charge of the Universe that I want to return or exchange this life for something different. I think the exact words that I would use would be “I’m sick of this life, it’s not working the way it’s supposed to, I want something new, something improved, and something better – you know a life similar to (fill in the name of the uber millionaire or billionaire of your choosing)”.
For the record, I have never said those words out loud for fear that Someone in the Universe might actually be listening and have the ability to address my complaint. My concern is that I’d wake up the next day to find that everyone I knew and loved was no more a part of my life because my petition to the Great Customer Service Desk was fulfilled before I took time to review the fine print. You know there is always fine print and in my case I’m certain it would read “even the smallest modification could have catastrophic outcomes”. In other words, so long loved ones, farewell good friends.
A wholesale change like the aforementioned fantasy seems a greater burden than the actual trials and tribulation that would put me in the “Life Exchange/Return Line” at the Great Customer Service Desk. As such, I’ve pretty much resolved that no matter what life we get we will always have trials and tribulations. Moreover, I know that I can’t expect “mulligans”, “restarts” or “exchanged lives” when things become more challenging than I hoped. Most importantly, I know that my son is watching me intently and part of his ability to persevere through his own difficulties in an affirmative relentless fashion is knowing that I abide by my own words and that above all I live the creed ‘Practice What You Preach’.
TWO QUESTIONS
In order that my son not see me as a hypocrite or model his life after a quitter, I ask myself two questions the moment I’m about ready to cloak myself in fear and loathing. I ask myself:
1. How did you get here? – How did you get here is a question of hindsight? How did you get here is trip with the Ghost of Christmas Past. This question provides you an opportunity – if you are willing to be brutally and totally honest with yourself – to look through the rearview mirror of life to assess your successes and failures in their entirety. No excuses, no passing the buck just an unadulterated view of all the things you should have done better or differently.
Without having to spin your wheels and muddle in the quicksand of past disappointments, you can see what worked as well as those things that were an utter disaster. You can use this question to begin carving out a plan of action to get you where you want to go. Asking the who, what, why, and when of “how did you get here” is the paramount first step for anyone hoping to ever get where you want to go.
2. Where are you going? – Where are you going is a question of foresight. Where are you going is the trip with the Ghost of Christmas Future. This question provides you with an opportunity – if you dare to dream – to forecast the life you desire. This is the step that mandates that you keep your eyes on the prize – to remember that the battles that you face and the challenges you endure are worthy of nothing less than your very best effort.
This second step requires you to detail in specificity the destination you intend to reach – when you plan to arrive, how far you will have to travel, the tools and equipment you will need, the names and titles of those who will assist you, what the four dimensional texture of the location will be (smell, touch, sound, look), etc. The more detail, the more vivid the image of your destination, the more likely you are to reach it. Ultimately, “where are you going” can be answered “where are my children going when I reach my destination”.
JUST YESTERDAY
I would not lie to you, this is how I’ve learned to deal with failures, fears and disappointments. Just yesterday, I was faced with trouble and had to ask myself these two critical question. Upon asking and answering the two questions, I knew exactly what caused my disappointment. After taking an hour or so to waddle in pity and resentment, I started crafting the steps necessary to resolve my dismay and to reaffirm precisely where I intend to go.
While I’m being honest, I should probably mention that I put the process of being authentic and a good role model for my son in motion right after I ate some comfort food, a slice of Vegan Chocolate cake. Comfort food or no comfort food, I asked and started answering the questions because I know full well the consequences of not doing so. I can never expect my son to trust me and believe in the impossible unless I personify ‘Practice What You Preach’.
At the end of the day, our children look to us for guidance and direction; hope and inspiration. Parents feeling defeated and ready to give up must never forget that our children’s identity and their habits for success hinder on our ability to master ‘Practice What You Preach‘.
Have you asked and answered the two questions? Are you a parent that lives up to the creed ‘Practice What You Preach’?