Do You Know Where Your Children Are

Each night at 11pm, on numerous local news stations across the country, an important question is asked – “do you know where your children are“. Ordinarily, the person asking the question is a member of local law enforcement. Explicit in the law enforcement officer’s question is an overt admonition to parents. “Parents” – the local officer would much prefer to say – “you must be alert and attentive about the whereabouts and ongoing of your children”.

While the direct approach may be avoided because it fails to meet standards of political correctness, the law enforcement officer’s question is an honest attempt to spark better parenting. There is the thought that by giving a gentle reminder about the existence of a curfew parents will keep a more vigilant eye on the behavior of their children.

TIME TO GO HOME

In many cities, juvenile curfews have been instituted. The historical purposes of curfews is twofold: 1) keeping the streets safe and 2) mandating some minimal parental engagement. There is the general belief that by instituting curfews – parents will be compelled to parent more responsibly and consequently the “bad kids” will not be able to victimize the “good kids”.

While there is anecdotal evidence about the benefits of curfews, it would not be unreasonable if you believe as I do – that curfews have had minimal effect on improving the behavior of children or uplifting the condition of the community. My supposition is that instead of relying on more rules and regulations, we might do our children, ourselves and our communities a favor if we took a few moments to look deeper at the law enforcement officer’s question – “do you know where your children are”.

DIG DEEP

As is the case with nearly everything we encounter, the true essence of most objects and any being is found beneath the surface. To appreciate the veracity of this statement, we needn’t look any further than our own skin.

I’m not a dermatologist but I do know that the human body is composed of three layers of skin. The epidermis is the surface layer, the dermis is the middle layer, and the hypodermis is the deepest layer of the skin.

The epidermis produces our skin color and serves as a waterproof barrier. The dermis supports our sweat glands, scent glands, hair follicles and connective tissue. The hypodermis makes up the layer of fat and connective tissue that houses larger blood vessels and nerves and regulates the skin and the body’s temperature.

Accurately answering the question “do you know where your children are” is similar to a review of the skin. In both cases, there are three different layers that suggest a need for a greater understanding.

As the whereabouts of our children is concerned, the surface layer is knowing the hour of the day and having an expectation that your child will be home before curfew. The middle layer is knowing the GPS coordinates of your child and the character of those they are with when they are not being supervised by you. The third layer which is the most important layer depicts the depth of the relationship we have with our children.

The third layer is the underappreciated layer and the essence of law enforcement’s inquiry. Without the third layer, parenting takes on difficulties beyond what is desirable and useful. As is the case with the hypodermis, absent the realization that there is a third layer, parents risk losing their connection to their children.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING TO

It appears that law enforcement owes Diana Ross some sort of recognition or even musical royalties. The question “do you know where your children are” is eerily similar to the theme from Mahogany (Do You Know Where You’re Going To). The parent who raises a child who knows where they are going never needs law enforcement to ask “do you know where your children are”.

Implicit in the question “do you know where your children are” is an undeniable reality that parents must know – at all times – precisely where their children are going both literally and figuratively. Children without a clear and present plan for where they are going are the reason curfews exist. As Lewis Carroll, the famous author of Alice in Wonderland, once wrote, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there”.

The words of Mr. Lewis are an unfortunate reality and description of the fate of many children. Routinely, we leave children to their own demise, having no idea where they are going (no life plan, no life purpose) and consistently children then find themselves on the wrong road – the path to exile and the road to perdition.

Thus, the need for curfews and their continued existence. “Good kids”, children with a life roadmap have to be protected from “bad kids”, children with no direction or purpose. However, we can do better than the status quo.

We can do better than leaving a child directionless and purposeless. We can do better than labeling children as perpetrators and victims. We can eliminate the need for law enforcement’s inquiry – “do you know where your children are” – at 11 pm each night.

NO MORE CURFEWS

If we truly want to protect OUR children, we will start by preparing ALL children. If we are serious about knowing where OUR children are, we must start by providing directions for ALL children. Every child deserves the opportunity to get to a good place, a safe place, a place where they can fulfill their life’s purpose.

We can all do something to help children discover a worthwhile place to go and a safe passage to get there. Starting today whether it’s your child, your neighbor’s child or a child you meet in passing consider asking all children to think about, write down and answer the following questions:

1. Why are you here? Are you fulfilling your life’s purpose?
2. What are your dreams? What’s your plan for making your dreams a reality?
3. Who would you least want to disappoint? Are they and/or would they be pleased or displeased with you today?
4. Who inspires you? How do they inspire you? What do they inspire you to do/be?
5. Who do you inspire? How do you inspire others? What are you inspiring others to do/be?
6. If today was your last day on earth, what would you regret not having done?
7. If tomorrow was your last day on earth, what would you do immediately to change your legacy?

Tonight at 11 pm when you hear the law enforcement officer ask “do you know where your children are”, remember that this not a question limited to parents of “bad children”. It’s worth noting that the seven questions are neither a plan of action nor a roadmap but they are questions to ask your child or someone else’s child.

The seven questions just might be the catalyst to get children to start thinking about where they are and where they are going. The seven questions might even help parents discover where they are and where they are going.

The better we are able to answer the seven questions, the more likely we are to develop deep and tightly connected relationships with our children. The more thought parents give to answering the seven questions for themselves and their children, the more unlikely we will find ourselves unprepared, unsure or embarrassed when the time comes to answer the question “do you know where your children are”.

Have you discovered your life’s purpose? Do your children know where they are going?