Every Child Needs Pep Talks From Their Cheerleader

The older my son gets the more I realize that there are very few things that I can give him. As he matures, the need for my fatherly guidance and instruction dissipates. The realization that our children are growing increasingly independent is not always so easy to accept.

As much as I would like to help my son and come to his aid whenever he has a challenge, I know I can’t. The path for my own personal growth reminds me of this fact. Almost all parents would agree that the most effective way to become an adult is to be an adult without vacillating between childhood and adulthood.

My son understands this process of adulthood as well and wouldn’t dare ask me to intervene. His life has been specifically planned so that he would be prepared to fly solo and navigate his own life terrain.

Yet in spite of what we both know to be true about his training, the complexities of adulthood and life’s requirement to fly solo, I know that there are times when I should and must intervene. During these times of intervention, my purpose is not to intrude rather my role is merely  to provide him with the one thing all people still need – a copilot or more accurately someone who can give him a pep talk.

I WISH MY DAD WOULD GIVE ME A PEP TALK

There are many things parents take for granted and among those things are the significance of pep talks. I often wonder how my life would have been different if I was raised by a father who believed in and understood the inordinate value of pep talks. Even as a middle age man, there are times when I would not only welcome a pep talk from my dad but I know that I would benefit greatly from a pep talk.

Perhaps the absence of pep talks from my father contributes to my determination to always be available to give pep talks to my son. While there are times when my son seems disinterested and unwilling to hear what I am saying, I am not deterred from giving him pep talks.

I defy my son’s occasional hasty, woe is me emotional assertions because I know something that he can’t appreciate during challenging times. I know that there are periods when all people – regardless of gender, race, religion, age or socioeconomic status – are so deep in the muck and mire of life that they need someone to cheer for them.

I understand that there are occassions when we all lose perspective. I recognize that there are times when it feels like everything and everyone is against you. Moreover, I’m aware that these are precisely the times when life demands balance – the type of stability often provided from pep talks.

JUST LIKE THE CHEERLEADERS

Pep talks are like the cheerleaders who continue to cheer long after the results of the game seem evident. If you are a sports fan like I am, you know that cheerleaders are responsible for trying to keep everyone – fans and players alike – engaged, motivated and encouraged.

Before the fans arrive at the arena, the cheerleaders are cheering. At each break when the players are resting and the fans are snacking, cheerleaders continue to cheer. If fans boo and players doubt their ability, cheerleaders continue to cheer. When fans leave the stadium whether the team is winning, losing or tied; cheerleaders continue to cheer. Even during abysmal weather, cheerleaders never stop cheering. Cheerleaders unlike most fans will never be called fair-weather.

Similarly, a parent’s role is to also never be a fair weathered fan. Our role, like the cheerleader, is to engage our children when others stop cheering, to inspire our children when others begin to boo and to encourage our children when our child and those who profess to support them are ready or have already chosen to give up.

CHEERING NOT FALSE FLATTERY

To be clear, cheering is not about false flattery. Cheering is about hope and a plan. For example, when the cheerleaders chant “defense” they are encouraging the team to play better defense – to have greater focus and to give a greater effort.

The cheerleaders are also inviting the crowd to join the team in mind, body and spirit. The cheerleader’s plea is that with the help of the fans, the team will stop the opponent. The ultimate goal is that if we (team, fans and cheerleaders) make enough noise together, that if we collectively do our parts, we can stop the opponent and eventually win the game.

Cheering as a parent is no different. Cheering for our children is never about telling them what they want to hear. Instead cheering for our children is about encouraging them, providing honest objective instruction – never giving up on them, always showing up for them and being there for them win, lose or draw. Cheering for our children is the recognition that the world is colder and harsher without the presence of cheerleaders.

This is precisely why all children need a cheerleader. All children need a glimpse of hope when others choose to see only despair. All children need someone to give them pep talks to believe tomorrow can be a brighter day.  No one can compete and no one can win the game of life without at least one cheerleader. We all, especially our children, need someone in our life who will make a life commitment – rain or shine, win or lose – to be there to cheer for us and give us pep talks whenever we need them.

THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR CHILD’S CHEERLEADING SQUAD

Make sure your child knows that they can always count on one person to give them pep talks. Make sure you child knows that you are the cheerleader who will always be there to provide them with honest objective instruction. Make sure your child knows that they can always depend on you no matter how dire the circumstances to keep cheering for them when others quit. Make sure it is clear that you are your child’s number one cheerleader.

Finally, in the event that you are tempted to ignore your child’s need for a cheerleader, remember that your child is a mini-version of you. I’m certain you would agree that no matter our age, we all continue to need guidance, inspiration and encouragement every now and then. Now go grab your megaphone and pom poms and start cheering!

When was the last time you cheered for your child? How often do you give your child pep talks? Does your child recognize you as their biggest lifelong fan?