No More Temper Tantrums: Act Your Age, Not Your Shoe Size
Chances are you’ve witnessed children throwing temper tantrums a time or two. In the grocery store, there is the child who is speaking to another customer tersely and treating the employees disrespectfully. In the restaurant, there is the child who professes something is wrong with their food and demands something different although the food ordered was exactly as advertised. On the airplane, there is the rude child who unapologetically bumps you with their luggage while shamelessly pushing their way pass the other disembarking passengers. Oh and let’s not forget, there is the child who during a soccer game loses his mind and bites an opponent.
In almost every case, when you witness this frenzied child in action, you wonder who are their parents, what were their parents thinking when raising them and why didn’t their parents do a better job of raising their child. Yet, rarely while judging this misbehaving child do we think of looking in the mirror. As the opening examples suggest, the child who has the problem with temper tantrums, more than we care to admit, is an adult.
Act Your Age Not Your Shoe Size
Prince, not the one from Wales but the one from Minneapolis Minnesota, recorded a hit song in 1986 which referenced adults throwing temper tantrums. In case, you weren’t already singing the song with me in a high-pitched off-key tone, the song is “Kiss”. The relevant lyrics are “act your age, mama, not your shoe size…” And while Prince Rogers Nelson wasn’t exactly talking about the behavior of adults, his lyrics remain apropos.
Lacking self-awareness, many adults routinely act our shoe size not our age. Giving little consideration to the needs of others, our self-centeredness makes others wonder about who raised us and how we were raised. Our temper tantrums have led many of those who know us best – unbeknownst to us because we are self-absorbed – to avoid us whenever possible.
Those who are unable to avoid us have found a unique but effective way to tolerate our existence – they hum the lyrics to Prince’s song. Humming the lyrics “act your age, not your shoe size...” are like chicken soup for a weary soul. Thanks to Prince there is a triumphant strategy that makes one able to endure a temper tantrum having adult.
Are You Talking About Me?
If you have already thrown a temper tantrum from reading this post, you might be like Luis Suarez. Luis, in case you haven’t watched the news recently, is the latest in a long list of famous adults who have thrown temper tantrums for all the world to see. During the World Cup game between Uruguay and Italy, Mr. Suarez (Uruguayan national soccer player) bit Giorgio Chiellini (Italian national soccer player).
Apparently, Mr. Suarez forgot that biting other people is not only frowned upon, particularly by the victim but biting people can cause infection. In an effort to help you self-diagnose your potential for throwing a temper tantrum like Luis Suarez and find out if you are infected with acting your shoe size and not your age, I have prepared the following test questions for you:
- Demanding – Children throw temper tantrums when they are craving attention, sleepy, or hungry. Temper tantrum throwing adults behave similarly. Why else would Luis bite Giorgio? Do you ask people to excuse your behavior because you willfully haven’t eaten? Do you expect others to be more attentive to you because you knowingly chose not to get enough sleep? Do you mistreat others and later wish you could get a do-over or hide from those you’ve offended?
- Frustrated – Children’s temper tantrums are often the result of not being able to get something they want or get someone to do what they want them to do. Do you slam doors when you disagree with others? Do you storm out of the room or house during a discussion? Is it your routine to stop speaking to people when you get mad or can’t get your way? Exactly just how many “friends” have you “unfriended” on Facebook?
- Communicating – There are occasions when infants and toddlers throw temper tantrums and when they, they do so solely because they have no other way to communicate a basic need. However, adults are supposed to be evolved and able to communicate competently and respectfully. Do you continue to master non-verbal communication when verbal is the preferred method? Do you pout, sit silently, roll your eyes and/or disengage from interaction? Do you consider yelling and screaming an effective way to communicate a need?
- Control – Temper tantrums oft occur as children seek to have more independence. While the word adult is synonymous with independence too many adults incorrectly believe the word adult means control. Do you try to control everyone in the house? Do you attempt to control all your children’s interactions? Do you believe you should be in control of all your friendships and relationships? Do you try to control others with words that sting and cut or hands that bruise and batter?
Before You Bite
Everyone would agree that Luis Suarez behavior was reprehensible. There is also little doubt that before long, Luis Suarez, like Mike Tyson before him, will be synonymous with the type of athlete, person, we would prefer that our children not emulate. Unfortunately for Luis Suarez, until the next public and famous outburst – paging Alec Baldwin, Justin Bieber and Chris Brown– Luis will be the poster child for temper tantrum throwing adults.
Blaming Mr. Suarez for the poor behavior of children everywhere and pointing out the effect his bad actions have on society as a whole will be the common and easy thing to do. Pointing the finger at Mr. Suarez will also be the disingenuous thing to do. Parents – not Luis Suarez or any other famous person for that matter – are the real models for the behavior of children good or bad.
For the parent who expects their child to act their age and sometimes the parent’s age, parents must stop acting their shoe size. To increase the likelihood that children will grow up to be responsible, productive, and successful citizens, parents must stop having temper tantrums. If you don’t want others humming the song “Kiss” when you enter the room, I strongly encourage you to “act your age (insert your name), not your shoe size“.
Are you acting your age or your shoe size? How many temper tantrums have you thrown this week?