5 Ways GREAT Fathers Share A Universal Parenting Creed

The time of year where American children have the opportunity to collectively celebrate fathers is only a few days away. Father’s Day, the third Sunday in June, is the National Holiday that commemorates fathers. More than celebrating fathers, Father’s Day is a referendum on the paternal unions existing between fathers and children and the societal influence fathers have on their children.

TEST TAKING TIME

A number of important things take place in June. Not only is Father’s Day in June; June is a period of national assessment. There are evaluations for everyone during June. Parents assess teachers, teachers assess students, students assess teachers, and parents assess schools. Yet, there is one assessment that is conspicuously absent – the assessment of parents.

Currently there are no national standards or evaluation requirements for parents. However, it might be time to set some universal standards and raise the level of expectations for all parents. I don’t know about you but I’m sick and tired of hearing, watching and reading reports detailing the horrible and outrageous treatment a child endured at the hands of their parent.

While we would like to believe that many of the incidents of child maltreatment are statistical outliers, we can’t continue to close our eyes and pretend that the numbers of children who are suffering is not real simply because the children who live in our home are not suffering. Surely, if we have learned nothing from school shootings, cyber bullying and gang violence, we should have learned that children who are hurting often hurt others.

The likelihood that hurting children might hurt our children should be motivation enough particularly for those of us who rarely do anything without selfish motives.

For the rest of us, who believe ourselves to be altruistic, we must adopt the philosophy that if one child is being abused and/or neglected that is one child too many. Fortunately, the military can provide some guidance for us in this area. The U.S. Army has a Soldier’s Creed which in part is an ever present test of a soldier’s preparation and commitment.

“The Creed” contains and oft quoted expression – “leave no man behind”. The exact language of the expression is “I will never leave a fallen comrade”. Similarly, if we are going to live in a world where children are free of neglect and abuse, we are going to have to adopt a creed similar to the Soldier’s Creed – “We will never allow a child to be abused or neglected”.

FATHERS FIRST

In order to live in a world where children, ALL children are free from abuse and neglect, we must be open and honest about the current State of Parenting. Father’s Day feels like a perfect time and place to begin this assessment.

The first and most essential observation we must make is recognizing that all fathers are not the same. For as obvious as the last statement might appear, the fact is that on the third Sunday in June, all fathers are celebrated equally. A shared day that commemorates men who fail to abide by an unwritten fathering code while similarly celebrating men who abide by the unwritten fathering code without exception or reservation only exacerbates the problems children encounter.

This collective celebration of all fathers is not only insane but it is destructive. We leave children in the unenviable position of having to regard all fathers as good fathers when many fathers have been anything but good.

We allow undeserving fathers to deem themselves great fathers solely due to reduced expectations and lack of standards. For the record, lowering the bar and lowering expectations is never productive.

In an effort to provide some context for great parenting, to make the absurd logical, to clarify great fathering, I have provided five characteristics of G.R.E.A.T. fathers. Perhaps in time, the following five elements will become part of a universally recognized and accepted Father’s Creed:

1. Goal Setters – Great fathers are goal setters who don’t simply set goals for their children but they set goals for themselves. Great fathers are driven to provide their children with opportunities that they did not have themselves and they are similarly driven to improve their own lives each day. Great fathers are not stagnate or satisfied with the status quo, they set S.M.A.R.T. goals that they and their children can work to achieve.
2. Respectful – Great fathers are reverent of both the woman who bore their child and the woman who gave them life. Regardless of the personal relationship that exists with the mother of their child, great fathers personify humility. There is no benefit for the child when fathers allow arrogance to impregnate the mother for the second time – this time with enmity. Great fathers live a life that honors both their children and their mother.
3. Enthusiastic – Great fathers are passionate about their children and life. Great fathers have an insatiable desire to get up in the morning, to have a chance to improve upon the previous day and to spend meaningful time with their children. For great fathers, there is nothing more urgent in life than making sure their child knows in words and deeds how important they are to him. Great fathers will not let the sun set without saying “I love you” to their child.
4. Accountable – Great fathers are responsible for their children. Great fathers are dependable. Great fathers consider it their prime directive that they alone are able to provide for their children mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially. Great fathers are disciplined and do not mass produce children that they are incapable of caring for, providing for and protecting sufficiently and equally.
5. Truthful – Great fathers are honest about themselves and critical of their shortcomings. Great fathers realize that truths which are convenient or harsh are no less truths. When great fathers behave or conform to statistical lows, they confront those realities with brutal integrity. Great fathers recognize that we all fall down but only the great fathers get up, stand up and develop a plan to stay up. Great fathers refuse to let today’s faults become tomorrow’s failures.

 Happy Father’s Day!

Rather than waiting on or expecting our children to give us a Father’s Day gift – most likely a tie – let’s give them a gift. Let’s all take the G.R.E.A.T. father assessment and work each day to be a G.R.E.A.T. father. Our children, ALL children need and deserve great fathers.

Will you be a G.R.E.A.T father? Are you ready to live by the G.R.E.A.T. Father Creed?