Note To Parents, You Are Living Your Eulogy Each Day.

Today, I’m going to give my son what might, on the surface, appear to be a morbid assignment. I’m going to ask my main man to write a eulogy. Not just any eulogy though. I’m going to ask him to write my eulogy.

Knock on wood and to the best of my knowledge, this memorial service request is not based on my anticipated death. As far as I know, I’m neither sick nor dying – that is – any faster than any other forty-eight year old male. Yet, in spite of my good health and estimated longevity, I need my son to take time out of his day to prepare my eulogy.

Eulogize Me

I’m going to ask my son to write my eulogy for a couple reasons. First, statistically speaking, the odds are that as his father – being 30 years his senior – I will pass from this world long before he does. I might also add that this is most certainly the way I hope things go.

I’m certain that my parental expectation is nothing extraordinary. Like other parents, I have made it clear to God that this is my foremost request. I contend, as I’m sure most of my peers do, that no parent should ever have to bury their child.

Second and more importantly, I’m going to ask my son to write my eulogy to get more detail about what my son really thinks about me. I want to know if who I think I am is who he sees me as being. I need to know my shortcomings from his perspectives.

I realize that each day parents are living the eulogy that our children will inevitably write about us. If there are areas where my inadequacies have weakened his foundation, I need to know so that I may address my flaws immediately. Children stand not only on their parent’s shoulders but on their words and deeds. If my son is to fulfill his limitless potential, it is imperative that his foundation be strong, well-grounded and in good repair.

Above all, there must be a uniformity between who your child believes you to be and who they need you to be.

No Eulogy For Average Men and Women

Saint Augustine said “No eulogy is due to him who simply does his duty and nothing more”. This quote should be the standard guiding life expression for all parents. Analyzing Saint Augustine’s words, I infer that any male or female can become a parent; insemination is nothing special. I also surmise from Saint Augustine’s words that any mother or father can raise a child. There is nothing significant about raising that which you have created. Raising a child is nothing more than a parent’s duty.

Therefore, to be worthy of a eulogy, a parent must do much more than their duty. A parent should be intentional, purposeful and devoutly committed to their children. The parent worthy of a eulogy is the parent who makes certain their sons and daughters understand that life requires more of them than settling for average or being ordinary and that their purpose – in all things – is the pursuit of excellence.

The eulogy worthy parent does this because they know that absent the pursuit of excellence the world stands still or worse. The world progresses when children receive a foundation that instructs, prepares, reminds, encourages, and inspires them to embrace their God-given ability and the Universe’s charge to change/improve the world.

The eulogy worthy parent knows that it absolutely does no one any good when children with potential and promise do little or nothing because they are unprepared or worse believe excellence and extraordinary are the responsibilities of another. In the spirit of Saint Augustine’s words, parents who prepare children to relentlessly pursue excellence and focus on improving the planet are parents worthy of a eulogy.

Critique of Supaman’s Dad

So I am going to give my son this assignment to see if the image I cast is bright or gloomy, clear or murky. I’m giving him this assignment to find out if there are cracks and/or leaks in the foundation on which he stands. In short, I’m going to give him this assignment to assess whether I would be worthy of a eulogy.

Recognizing the peculiarity and somberness of this request, I dare not leave him without a template or void of direction. I’m going to ask him to consider the following eight questions:

1. Has your father done anything worthy of praise (remember praise requires doing more than a father’s duty)?
2. Has your father done anything to garner commendations (such as improving the human condition, sacrificing for someone or something other than himself and family, etc.)?
3. How would you describe your father’s essence to those who have never met him?
4. How would you describe your father’s personality and illustrate his endearing qualities. (If he is difficult be honest and if he has no endearing qualities state that truthfully as well)?
5. How would you describe your relationship with your father?
6. Who is your father (what is his family life like, what are his career achievements, and what hobbies and interests matter most to him.)
7. What if any personal quality of your father stands out? Good or bad, illustrate that quality with a story that would make it easy for anyone to feel like they know your father.
8. What do people think of your father and how do people perceive him? Share those impressions, memories and thoughts. If possible discuss if there is a common theme that unites the thoughts others share about your father.

Good To Great

I believe when my son has completed the exercise he will have created something few children possess – a distinctive document that will allow him to easily describe his father to a stranger. The template can also be used numerous times to assess who his father is at different stages of his life. Yet, no matter how unique it will be to have a document that describes and chronicles his father – the production of that document pales in comparison to the more pressing issue.

What is immediately pressing is knowing whether or not my son considers me to be eulogy worthy – a good man. If my son is going to calmly and confidently stand on the foundation that I believe gives him the best opportunity to fulfill his God-given ability, embrace the Universe’s charge to change/improve the world and be a great man, the results of his critique must assess me as being a good man.

While I’m not expecting a perfect score, I hope he finds me worthy of a eulogy. Wish me luck! There is so much riding on his assessment.

Have you ever considered that one day your child may have to write your eulogy? Does your child believe you to be a good person? Are you actually the same person you want your child to believe you to be?