Recently one of our great members shared her thoughts about parenting. K.G. as she will be referred was sharing her history and how she made the transition to be a more intentional and purposeful parent. While explaining her story, K.G. made a most profound statement. “Kids shouldn’t get what’s leftover.”

Freshly Baked Please!

K.G.’s statement reminded me of a time when my son was small. He loved chocolate chip cookies. When I say he loved chocolate chip cookies, I’m not kidding. He absolutely loved chocolate chip cookies more than any other food. For a while, I’m certain that he thought chocolate chip cookies were a dietary staple – a food group unto itself. If this gives you a clearer view about the depth of his chocolate chip cookie addiction, he would have traded all of his toys for chocolate chip cookies

Each day, he planned his chocolate chip cookie consumption without giving any thought to dinner. “Tonight, I’ll have two or three cookies”, he traditionally proclaimed during breakfast. Peculiarly, he only wanted the cookies when they came hot out of the oven. Chocolate chip cookies were simply not chocolate chip cookies unless steam was coming from them and the chocolate was melting.

We learned quickly not to make the mistake of making too many cookies because those excess cookies were never going to be eaten – at least not by my son. Those leftover cookies were exclusively reserved for his parents or guests. Even cookies that tasted fresh-baked after being rewarmed in the microwave were non grata. Naeem was not interested in leftovers. It was freshly baked, hot out the oven cookies or nothing at all.

Leftovers Mean Secondary

I freely admit that my son’s idiosyncrasy about chocolate chip cookies was a bit over the top. I’m not embarrassed to tell you that not much has changed. Today, if he is going to eat chocolate chip cookies, he wants his chocolate chip cookies to be hot and gooey. I’m not mad at him either. I’m the very same way. Like father, like son!

Father and son quirk aside, chocolate chip cookies and K.G.’s quote provide a great teaching moment. Children don’t want leftovers. Children don’t want what remains of us after everyone else has been offered the best of us. Children don’t want what we have to offer after we have given 10 – 16 hours preparing for work, commuting to and from work, and working. Children don’t want us after we are like those cookies my son refused to eat – ”cool and crunchy”.

Hot Out The Oven

If we are going to offer our children anything, shouldn’t we ascribe to K.G.’s and Naeem’s way of thinking? Don’t our children deserve something other than the residue of an exhausting day? Aren’t our children worthy of more than a few spare moments? Don’t our children warrant something more than an occasional weekend or seasonal excursion?

If you love your children anything close to the way Naeem loved freshly baked, hot out of the oven chocolate chip cookies, you’ll do the following:

1.  Program – Plan the day, activities or events around your children. Naeem planned his dinner around hot and gooey chocolate chip cookies. Parents MUST do a better job of scheduling our children into our life. 

The English biologist and politician, John Lubbock said “In truth, people can generally make time for what they choose to do; it is not really the time but the will that is lacking”. If our children are important, we will find a way to make time for them. Put your children on your calendar first. Permanently schedule time for your children with no ending date.

2.  Fresh – As I have reiterated making time is not enough. We may not be able to be as fresh as Naeem’s nightly chocolate chip cookies, but parents must find a way to be renewed when we are with our children. Whatever it takes, we must find a way to transform our disposition from employee/employer to connected and engaged parent.

Just as Matthew 6:24 states “no one can serve two masters”, no parent can serve an employer and child simultaneously. When we are with our children, we must give our children what is theirs – US! Hang up the phone, turn off your laptop, DVR your favorite show and give your child an intentional, focused, and rejuvenated YOU!

3.  Hot – If you are anything like my son and I, I’m sure you would agree that there is nothing better than a hot chocolate chip cookie. Likewise, I’m sure you would agree that there is nothing like the love of a parent that is hot – strong and passionate.

Children need parents to be adoring. Children require parents who are compassionate. Every now and then, every child wants to see the love emanate from us the way the steam emanated from Naeem’s hot chocolate chip cookies. Even the detached child, more than they will ever admit, craves the love of a parent that is like Naeem’s gooey chocolate chip cookies – mushy.

Shout Out To K.G.

Thanks K.G. for sharing your story and your words of encouragement. You have inspired us to be better and more intentional parents. You have also compelled us not to give our children leftovers.

Your quote had one additional and probably unintended consequence. I don’t know about everyone else but it is now impossible for me to think of anything other than making some freshly baked, hot out of the oven chocolate chip cookies. Who’s with me?

Are you planning your children into your day or are you giving them leftovers? Does anyone love freshly baked hot out of the oven chocolate chip cookies like Naeem and I?