Yes, the title of this post contains the words good booty and pirate. Your eyes are not deceiving you. Don’t worry this is not some salacious article.
Good Booty Public Service Announcement
I hope that we can be mature enough to talk about a very serious subject. Sex, intimacy, making love, hooking up, hanging out, premarital sex…booty. Although, we will be addressing an adult topic, I promise this post won’t be graphic in any way. Remember, above all this is a G-rated blog.
The Raising Supaman Project while being G-rated is also a place to where information and ideas are shared. The goal is to share and learn ways to raise children so that not only do they get the opportunity but they are made capable of fulfilling their potential. Therefore, it is a must that we are not so prim and proper that we miss “teaching and learning” moments. Not being open to discussing ALL matters will assuredly derail the “teaching and learning” opportunities.
Let’s Go Noles!
http://youtu.be/L_vpfblTqng
As a lifelong Florida State football fan and booster, I have been asked many times over the recent days what I think about the situation in Tallahassee. My thoughts are varied and for the most part my views don’t matter. I neither know Jameis Winston or the accuser on a personal basis.
However, as a father of a young man who is close to Jameis Winston’s age, I am reminded of a quote that I have been sharing with my son since he first understood that boys and girls were different. “All booty is not good booty unless you are a pirate.”
I would reiterate these words to him on varied occasion particularly when he was going to be somewhere that I wouldn’t be for an extended period of time. These words were usually combined with a litany of many other things he wasn’t supposed to do, people I implored him to avoid and situations he was counseled to sidestep.
Mama’s Baby
You can imagine the horrified look his mom would give me every time that I said those words. I knew the very first time those words came out of my mouth they would seem crass. Fortunately, for my son I care more about the truth than appearing insensitive. To this day, I believe my phrasing was fairly mild. I could have said some things that were much worse.
All I was attempting to do was help my son understand that he was going to be confronted with countless choices in life and every decisions he made could have lasting ramifications not just for him but for others. I was trying to keep my son out of the negative news headlines and as far away from County lock-up as possible. I wanted my son to be cognizant of the fact that the words “innocent until proven guilty” don’t apply to everyone and those words are particularly meaningless in the court of public opinion.
Moreover, Supaman enjoys choosing his own clothing and he is overwhelmingly partial to red and blue. If I didn’t get him to understand the power of his choices as early as possible, I feared he might find himself like one-third of all young men who look like him and Jameis Winston getting image and fashion consulting – not from his aunt – but from the County or State. Shackles and orange jumpsuits for everyone.
Wait Until Marriage
I have encouraged my son to wait until marriage just as my parents encouraged me. While I hope my suggestion will have more influence on him than peer pressure, hormones and the media – I am not naïve enough to believe telling him to wait until marriage will be sufficient. So I have found other ways – including the “phrase” – to impress upon him the seriousness of being intimate.
In an era where virginity is tossed away with little regard the way my favorite football team from Tallahassee tosses away their opponents, I have attempted to derive a slogan that might give him pause should the moment arise where he thinks the time is right.
Shiver My Timbers
All booty is not good booty unless you are a pirate was a simple expression to remind my son that no matter how much his timber shivered he should proceed with caution. Coupled with that phrase were a few other pirate quotes. Most things that seem like treasure are not – they are only a mirage which you mistake for treasure because you have been out at sea too long. Sometimes even pirates find booty that should be treasured rather than plundered. On occasion, you will see booty close to shore but you would be wise not to land instead quickly set your sails for another course. There are even treasures that are best left buried and never ever opened.
I realize all these metaphorical pirate and good booty phrases seem ridiculous and to some extent they are illustrated as such on purpose. However, knowing when and with whom to share an intimate moment is a reasonable message. Intimacy is challenging, it is frightening, it is complicated and I’m talking about for “mature consenting” adults.
If adults hardly know when the moment is right outside of the ludicrous subliminal messages given from beer commercials and disingenuous erectile dysfunction advertisements, how can parents ever expect naturally and excessively hormonal, limited life experience, peer pressure targets and immediate gratification children to know when the time is right?
Answer: parents can’t and shouldn’t expect that children will ever know. This is why mothers and fathers are called parents and sons and daughters are known as children. Just in case it is not crystal clear, it is the parent’s job to raise children who know and understand the difference.
The World May Never Know
Speaking of know, I don’t know what happened between Jameis Winston and the young lady who is the accuser. What I do know is that both are children. Somebody just like me – a parent – raised those two children who are now under unenviable public pressure and media scrutiny.
I have little doubt that the parents both hoped and prayed – as I did when my son was small – that their children would never be a party to what they are now experiencing. As the father who created an expression that my son could understand choices at the earliest age possible, I’m convinced of one thing – consensual or non-consensual – this whole tragic encounter could have been avoided if just one of the two children understood that all booty is not good booty unless you are a pirate.
Have you talked openly and honestly about intimacy with your child?