Every parent at some time or another will encourage their child to make friends. When children attend a new school, join an athletic team or travel to a camp, parents without giving any thought to the significance of what a friend really is usher the directive “make some friends”.
Do You Understand The Words…?
Oh if only making friends was as easy as understanding the words coming out the parent’s mouth. Actually, without giving any detail about what a friend really is, how a child should select a friend or the requirements of a friendship – it is doubtful that a child will return home at the end of the school day, after practice or at the conclusion of camp having made a friend. What children are most inclined to have done once they return home – given the inept parental instruction – is to have procured just another run of the mill – a dime a dozen – acquaintance.
Don’t let your child be hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray or run amok by someone masquerading as a friend. Instead, do your child a great favor and save them from having to endure the type of heartbreak, disillusionment and frustration that accompanies believing someone to be a friend who was never more than a classmate, teammate or fellow camper. Don’t let your child suffer what you have probably suffered a time or two. Like Whodini make sure that children know who to call a friend.
Friends – Ones We Can Depend On
For starters, make sure that it is understands that “to be worthy of a friend requires you to be a worthy friend”. Next share the following five tips with your child so that they will be prepared to determine not only who is a friend but how to be a friend to another:
1. Transparent –
Friends are like Saran Wrap – see through. In order to be a friend, a child must understand that friendship requires authenticity. Like a piece of cake in a bakery wrapped in Saran Wrap, every customer looking for a baked good could clearly recognize that they were looking at a piece of cake. Likewise, at all times, a friend is authentic – the same no matter who is present or the situation at hand. A friend is one whose core being – whose fundamental truths – would be described the same way by any and all that they meet. With a friend what you see is what you get.
2. Safe-bet –
Friendship requires that those whom you decide to befriend are like a safe bet. In fact, establishing a friendship is a lot like gambling – rarely is there a sure thing. Thus on one hand, a child must understand that cautious optimism is acceptable and understandable when meeting others.
While on the other hand, a child must comprehend that being overly guarded and distrustful is not the path to friendship. We can’t expect others to take a chance on being our friend when we are unwilling to let our guard down and hope for the best in others. Remember to have a friend, one must first be a friend.
3. Super Glue –
A friend is like Super Glue. No matter what, where, when or why a friend will never leave your side. Should you start to fall down, a friend will be right there to brace your fall and pick you up. When you get a big-head, a friend will be by your side – with the safety pin to let some of the air out – of course, they will always do their part to prevent you from floating away. If suffering is imminent, a friend would happily endure the anguish in your place. And when you have even a modicum of success, a friend will celebrate you as if you solved world hunger.
4. Telepathic –
Friendship is almost telepathic. A friend is someone who knows you so well that verbal communication is rarely necessary. Friendship is a medium that allows the thoughts of one person to be communicated to another person without the use of words or suggestive behavior. A child should understand that it is no accident that the truest of friends are able to interact intuitively. Friends are able to behave instinctively only because they value their friend’s life and needs above their own. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
5. Family –
A friend is family! This is an ideology which should not be confused with the thinking that having family means you have friends. Sometimes family can be our biggest adversaries and most arduous detractors. Like it or not we are stuck with family good, bad or otherwise. As such, a child should understand that DNA and friend are not mutually interdependent. Family comes with no precondition that friendships be developed and nurtured.
A child should know this important distinction as soon as possible because it magnifies the truest distinction of friendship. Friendships are great in part because they are completely volitional. When you – of your own free will – choose to be a friend and find a friend, you have discovered family. Should you be lucky enough to have a friend who shares your DNA, you have stumbled upon the greatest gift in all the world.
I’ll Be There For You
http://youtu.be/K2fZb9tDXKE
There are many other things that could be shared with a child about what a friend is, how to select a friend or the requirements of friendship but these five things are a good place to start.
Now the next time you send your child off into a new situation or an unfamiliar environment, don’t make the mistake of giving them the vague instruction – “make some friends”. I think all adults could attest that making friends is too important for anyone especially a child to be so ill equipped to do.
Do your children understand what a friend is? Do you have a friendship that your children can model?