In the previous post, I gave the first example of how bad parenting results in the growing number of children whose outcomes, results and behaviors are inferior to average. Today, I will share with you examples #2 and #3. I could give, many more examples but I trust my point is made loud and clear after three examples.
I didn’t imagine at the time that I wrote this post that the adults who run our government would provide yet another example of bad parenting and the potential for inferior to average results. Our government is shutdown because too many Americans – namely those who run our country – are completely comfortable in doing what I told you bad parenting causes – inferior to average results, production and outcomes from (someone’s) children.
Too often what we consider to be a small thing can grow into something enormous. Sometimes what parents think was a trivial action, on our behalf, becomes modeled behavior that sets in motion conditions for grown children to find it acceptable to shut down a government. So before you dismiss what I have to say or get upset with me, take a second to think about what your inferior to average actions might be saying to your children.
The repercussions could be more serious than eating a few extra donuts and not knowing the rules of a game. Here are two more examples of why we should take stock in our actions.
Bad Parenting Example# 2 – Helicopter Mother
As my son reached middle school, I was introduced to another parent who believed their children should be more than inferior to average. The helicopter mother who wanted her children to be the star of the show, the most important child in the school, was unwittingly allowing her behavior to make her child less of what she had hoped – engaged and outgoing; extraordinary and superior. In truth, she was modeling for her child precisely how to be known as having inferior to average personal skills.
Instead of having a life of her own, where she made friends, served some greater good, focused on her own personal and professional skills, the helicopter mother was sitting at the school with her child all the time. At the start of each day, after school, during lunch hour and at any school excursion, there you could find the helicopter mom, ALWAYS right by her child’s side. She was her child’s safety blanket and her child was suffocating.
In a bizarre twist of fate, before the helicopter mom’s child could matriculate to high school, she had already begun blaming the school and the other children for doing what she thought hovering around would encourage – treating her child fairly; making her child extraordinary and superior.
In reality, no one treated her child poorly. Rather, the helicopter mother was around the school so much the other children watched as her presence suffocated her own child. The other children kept their distance not because they disliked her child but because they were smart and feared they might also be smothered.
To the other children, the helicopter mom’s child seemed like a little baby – a child lacking independence and social skills; an inferior to average child. The helicopter mom’s child was perceived as the child all the other children were eager to grow out of being. In the end, the helicopter mother was not only raising a child of inferior to average interpersonal skills, she was raising a child that other kids just found immature and creepy.
Bad Parenting Example #3 – Absent Father
During my son’s abbreviated time in high school, I witnessed this parent routinely. Well I didn’t actually witness them because to witness something means that you saw them. However, what I observed were children who no matter what the event were alone.
Despite inferior to average parental presence in their children’s lives, theses MIA (missing in action) fathers expected extraordinary to superior performances from their children. Moreover, this absent father always found a way to justify their absence and maintained that their child should have superior outcomes and have great affection for them. (Note: Imagine their surprise when they later learn that their child shares little warm and fuzziness for them.)
From the father who was too busy at work to practice with his child to the father who was so busy climbing the social/corporate ladder to know what was important to his child, I have seen all types of absent fathers. And it is worth noting that in this country where we almost exclusively think of absent parents as dead beat fathers, welfare mothers and other low-income minority parents, I can assure you that absentee parenting has almost nothing to do with race and/or socio-economic status.
Absentee parenting is about being absent from your child’s life. Sadly, lots of parents are absent – missing in action. Absentee parenting is inferior to average parenting. There isn’t a salary, occupational title, luxury automobile, mansion or bank account that can change that.
If you aren’t present regardless of gender, race or socio-economic status – you are absent. If you are absent often enough you are an inferior to average parent. If you are an inferior to average parent you only have yourself to blame if your child’s behavior, performances or other outcomes are inferior to average.
Draw a Line in the Sand
Knowing where the line should be drawn between hovering over your child and being present and accounted for can be a challenge. Yet, it is a challenge that all parents who expect better than inferior to average outcomes from their children must be up to.
As the current shut down of our government illustrates, as a nation, we can’t afford the propagation of more people who are satisfied with being inferior to average. Be it democrat, republican, tea party or independent, I think you would agree that we already have enough inferior to average people running the country.
Are you present and accountable for your children? Do you hover over your child like a Black Hawk helicopter? Are you raising a future political or governmental leader who will shut down the government?
[…] Take a look at Part 2: HERE […]