I’m going to make a controversial yet revolutionary suggestion to parents about children and more TV. Are you ready? Parents, you and your child should watch more TV. That’s right I said it. Watch more TV. Really, I’m serious.
I know most people would have you believe that Americans watch too much television. Oh no, not me though! Despite Neilsen reporting that Americans spend more than 34 hours a week watching television, I’m here to tell you that I think that we should not reduce the amount of TV we watch by even one minute.
Not only do I not want us to reduce the amount of TV we watch, I think we might be well served if we increased the number of hours. Let’s set a goal for 40 hours a week, then 50 hours a week. Heck, let’s set a goal where all we do is watch TV and we never leave the house.
There is a Catch to Parents – Children – TV
You know me. Of course there is a catch to my recommendation of watching more TV. It’s a teeny-weeny yet slightly diabolical caveat. Americans should watch and exceed the nearly 5 hours of daily TV watching, if and only if we begin to watch TV actively. Let me repeat for the people who still own analog TVs with the big picture tubes. We can watch more TV if we promise to do so actively.
What do I mean by watching TV actively? I thought you would never ask. Watching TV actively means that you and your children must get engaged with your TV.
Of course, I don’t want you to propose to your TV. Now you are just being silly. Nor do I want you to pledge your life or offer your child’s hand in an arranged marriage. If however, by some miraculous chance you meet a great family that is raising an extraordinary child like you are doing and you believe that child would make a wonderful son-in-law or daughter-in-law don’t lose their phone number or email. Trust me, until we revolutionize parenting, the ”in-law”pickings are slim.
For now, I simply want you to embrace the meaning of engaged. Engaged for our purposes means being an active participant in every TV program parents and kids watch.
Real Life Kinect and True to Life Wii
Sporting Events – Okay dads this first example is mostly for you. The days of sitting on the couch all day eating salty snacks and drinking beer while you watch one game after another game are over. Starting this weekend, if you watch a game, you and anyone watching a game with you has to exercise during ALL commercial breaks. Not some commercial breaks but ALL commercial breaks.
http://youtu.be/7GDgKgsrEBo
Why should the athletes get all the exercise? If exercise is good for your favorite team, exercise has to be good for you. So from now on, if you really want to support your team don’t just put on their jersey – break a sweat, raise your heart rate and tone your muscles right along with your team. Yelling at the TV screen is one thing but real fans don’t simply figuratively sweat when their team plays. Real fans actively participate and literally sweat it out with their team.
Oh yeah, do yourself a favor. Don’t forget to hydrate 24 hours before game time. Be sure to re-hydrate and rest during halftime and repeat the hydration process after the game just like your team. There are few things worse than seeing a grown man cry especially when that grown man’s kids are watching him cry because he has a cramp. Talk about losing the Man Card.
Reality Series – Not to be sexist but this example is for the moms. The days of you sitting around eating Bon-bons watching the Housewives from whatever city are over. Okay maybe eating Bon-bons is a bit dated and I should have referenced some other food choice – nevertheless moms you know exactly what I mean.
Ladies please don’t act dumb like the Housewives from whatever city you routinely watch. Don’t make me say it out loud – you know about how you blame your child rather than the foods you eat as the reason you no longer possess your hour-glass figure. The customary and universal excuse for mothers everywhere – “I haven’t lost my baby fat yet” is no longer believable especially when your baby is driving.
Rather than eat the food that packs on the pounds while you watch someone act on an “UN-Reality” TV show, now is the time for moms everywhere – like ALL the couch potato dads – to get in shape also or as I like to call it “getting date ready”.
If dads can be expected to exercise during every commercial of a three-hour game, surely moms can do the same thing while watching an hour reality show. And moms if you watch two hours, you know the deal that’s two hours of exercise for you.
If you abide by this suggestion, moms everywhere will have forgotten the “excuse” and simply marvel at the return of their hour-glass figure. Don’t worry moms, you can all thank me later.
Kids Shows – This next recommendation is a bit different from the first two. This proposal is based on the assumption and high probability that children will be watching the sporting events and reality TV shows with their parents. The simple unyielding rule remains – whoever watches TV exercises during commercials.
Given the rigidity of the rule, I’m guessing children will already be physically exhausted from the exercise which is why I have concocted something additional for the children to do. Now that their bodies have been sufficiently worked out – well beyond the opportunities afforded then in schools today – it’s time to work out their minds.
Challenge your child to get their creative juices going by writing a script of what they would like the next episode of ALL the TV shows they watch to be. Have them write the dialogue of each character. Have them do the research of each scene. Have them do everything associated with producing a TV show. I’m convinced that creating their own show will be better than just about anything they will watch on TV today and probably much more entertaining than anything parents watch on TV. Plus, parents never know if this is what might inspire a child to become the world’s next great screen writer, actor, director or producer.
Other – You don’t have to stop there. There are so many more things one could do to actively participate in the 34 plus hours of weekly TV watching. You could turn watching the news into a home edition of Jeopardy. You could turn the top news stories into your home edition of Crossfire. The ways to actively participate in the 34 plus hours of TV is only limited by your imagination.
Let me guess. You don’t want to watch 34 plus hours of TV anymore. Now that’s a shame! What’s that? Your child wants to read a novel, do advanced math problems, conduct sophisticated science experiments, go outside and play…do anything other than watch TV.
Who knew that people could be encouraged to watch less TV so easily.