Birds of a Feather Don’t Have to Flock Together

How many times have you heard the expression “birds of a feather flock together”?  I bet you have heard the saying more than a few times.  But like so many expressions you routinely hear and say, what does it really mean?  And how does this phrase relate to the life that you and/or your children want to live.

We Are All The Same

Most often when we hear the expression “birds of a feather…” we think of people who share similar physical characteristics tending to stick together.  For example, if you are a member of a particular ethnic or racial group the most common thinking is that you must associate yourself primarily with YOUR particular ethnic or racial group.

If you have ever visited a big city, you will see some evidence of this thought process.  Go visit a city like Chicago, New York, Los Angeles and Miami and you will almost always find a segment of the city that has neighborhoods such as China town, Little Havana, Greek town, Little Italy, etc.

If you are a woman chances are that you have been instructed that you should spend your time with other women like you.  Thin women with other slender women.  Plus sized women with other ample proportioned women.  Married women without question must hang out with other attached women.

If you are a man, the mandate has more than likely been passed down that you should do all the traditional things men do – watch football games on Sunday, drink beer during the games, wash your expensive luxury vehicle after the game, cut the grass before the start of the game, yell and scream at the TV when your team is losing, wear the uniform of your favorite team as if you are expecting to be playing in the game, etc..

Now this is the part where I have to confess belonging to a group that makes me appear just a little bit crazy.   While I don’t drink beer, I do wear my favorite teams t-shirt or jersey during every game.  On occasion, I have even been known to strongly encourage others wear my team’s gear in an effort to increase my team’s chances of winning.  I know, I know that’s crazy and sad which is why I won’t even try to justify my behavior.

The important point here is that it doesn’t matter what your gender or race are or if you are a musician, artist, model, or athlete – the belief is that you are expected to hang out with people who appear externally and internally to be just like you.

Safety in Numbers

I believe this idiom “birds of a feather…” originated from the fact that in nature, many birds of the same species tend to flock together as a safety precaution.  It appears that humans are like birds as we also subscribe to the belief that there is safety in numbers.

For safety’s purpose, we tend to assemble with those who appear on the surface to be just like us.  However, in many instances, congregating with those who appear on the surface to be just like us because of safety can prove hazardous to your health and welfare.

Too Much Of A Good Thing

What if I told you that while many of us congregate like birds primarily with those who on the surface appear to be of the same feather, we would be better served by assembling with others whose feathers appear to be different?  What if I told you that playing it safe – associating with our “designated natural group” for safety reasons – is often a flawed precautionary mechanism reserved for those who unknowingly have no intentions to advance or improve their lives?

It’s true!  Plain and simple, there can be too much of a good thing and flocking with the same birds all the time is no exception.  Sometimes, continuously flocking with the same people day after day, month after month, season after season and year after year can leave you feeling and looking like – well a bird without wings – grounded and exhausted.

Just My Imagination Once Again…

If you will for a moment, suspend reality and imagine watching a bird without wings trying to fly.  Sounds ridiculous I know but the bird without wings doesn’t think that it is so absurd.  You see the bird without wings doesn’t possess the human intelligence you have and thus is incapable of knowing that they have no wings with which to fly.

As a result the wingless bird motions its body as if it has wings trying unremittingly to fly.  Unfortunately, the best the wingless bird can ever do is walk.  The inability to fly makes it both nearly impossible for the wingless bird to keep up with the other birds of the same feather and makes the wingless bird – the proverbial sitting duck.  Exhausted from trying to flap imaginary wings, walking and running trying to keep up with the birds of his feather and trying to avoid and fend off predators each day while being totally isolated and alone is a physically and mentally exhausting life to live.

Leopard Can’t Change His Spots

At times, many of our lives mimic the life of the wingless bird.  When I say mirror the life of the wingless bird, I don’t mean having suffered the unenviable challenge of living life with an essential limb plucked from our bodies.  Rather, many of us spend our energy and time exhausting ourselves unnecessarily associating almost exclusively and constantly with the same people.  We even try to continue to associate with these people when as the wingless bird, we know that we should find a new route to travel and a different feather of birds with which to flock.

We, like the wingless bird are grounded and stuck in habit and thought; having resigned ourselves to believing that we can only be member of the group of birds that are showing little compassion and concern as they fly off without us and leave us to fend entirely for ourselves.  Despite what is often obviously clear that we should find a new group to flock with, we seem unable like the poor wingless bird to detach ourselves from a routine that is no longer practical, enjoyable or safe.

Fortunately, as humans we possess the capacity to reason so life doesn’t have to be for us as it is for animals like the wingless bird.  While other animals like a leopard may not be able to change his spots, as humans, we all have a choice to decide which birds we want flock with.

Fly Like an Eagle

http://youtu.be/V7HxpnEalhs

You and I are not wingless birds.  You and I have the capacity to “spread our wings” and be any type of bird that we desire.  So if you want to soar like an eagle and/or you want your kids to soar like an eagle, you better start hanging out with and behaving like eagles.

Spending your time with other Pigeons who crap on all your hopes, dreams and everything else optimistic around you is not going to help you soar.  Assembling exclusively with other Turkeys who do nothing but “gobble” and “cluck” about the nothingness in their life when you are trying to plan your future is not going to provide you with the direction to get you where you want to go.  Hanging out with other Dodo birds will resign you to the same fate as the actual Dodo bird – flightless and extinct.

Here Comes the Judge

When I was in high school, I met an eagle.  I met the eagle at a time in my life when I was a very poor academically performing domestic chicken.  Despite my pitiful academic performance, I possessed enough acumen to know that the eagle was very different from domestic chickens.  I had sufficient insight to know that I no longer wanted to be a domestic chicken.

During my epiphany, I realized that I wanted to be like the eagle whom I met who soared, was wise and lived life with much greater ease and freedom than the domestic chickens with whom I had always congregated.  Thanks to the introduction to my eagle, I recognized that I didn’t want to be common, caged with little hope of living a long life, raised only to be sacrificed for the benefit of others or left to live in crowded filthy conditions where I had to fight for scraps if I wanted to eat.

At the end of my sophomore year in high school, thanks to the eagle in my life, Judge James Kimbrough, Jr., I had an image of an eagle who I could mimic.  Although I was still a poor academically performing domestic chicken, I now knew an eagle who was soaring.  I knew that Judge Kimbrough was able to soar because he first earned admittance into Fisk University and later DePaul University College of Law.

From that moment forward, I gave my education greater attention and even enjoyed a few semesters of straight A’s.  As a high school senior, in an effort to continue to mimic my eagle, I applied to and was accepted to Fisk University.  Unfortunately, there was an accreditation issue in my intended degree program so I was not able to attend Fisk.  However, like the eagle in my life, I earned my bachelor’s degree and subsequently received both a graduate and law degree.

What does all this mean for you and your children? It means that the birds you flocked with yesterday don’t have to be the birds you flock with today.  If you don’t enjoy going south for the winter, flock instead with the birds who stay put and know how to survive the inclement winter conditions.

If your current occupation leaves you feeling like a woodpecker continuously beating your head up against a tree, flock instead with the hummingbirds who love what they do so much that they whistle while they work.  If you are tired of trying to avoid and tip toe around the falling crap which surrounds you each and every day, it is time to disassociate with the pigeons and assemble with a new feather of bird who lives life with passion, purpose, urgency and imagination.

All you need to remember and remind your children is what I learned from my eagle which is that there is no mandate that you always have to stay with the birds who appear to be of the same feather if those birds don’t represent the bird you want to be.  Sometimes you will find that what appears to others as a domestic chicken on the outside is in reality an eagle who is merely waiting for the inspiration, directions and opportunity to soar.

Are you teaching your children that they can be anything that they want to be?  Could you soar like an eagle if you weren’t being forced to stay on the ground?  Is there something you want to do but fear being different from your “designated natural group”?