In our last post, I mentioned that I was going to list some of the many things that my mom taught me and that I learned from my maternal grandmother. Directives that I mentioned I want my son not only to live out but to share through words or deeds with any and all that he meets. So without further ado, here is the list of ten things my mom taught me to do when I raised my own child.
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Put Your Children First
My mother taught me that the well-being of her children came before anything or anyone else. It didn’t matter if it was buying us school clothes when she could have used new clothes of her own, giving us lunch money while she took a bag lunch to work, sending care packages in college when she needed compassion at home…my mom sacrificed constantly. Too often she indebted herself so that my sister and I could experience a rich and full childhood. I learned that when it comes to loving your child sacrifice is nothing and sacrifices is everything.
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Give a Full Day’s Work
My mother rarely if ever missed a day at work. She continues to take the same approach to her job today. Always on time, hardly ever taking an unscheduled day off is her mantra. My mom showed me that giving 100% to the work that you do is an extension and expression of the love you have for your children. For my mom, No job meant no provisions for her children and her response to that has and always will be No Way.
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Love Other People’s Children Like You Love Your Own
My mother was the neighborhood mom. Many of my friends and my sister’s friends to this day continue to call my mother mom. I don’t ever remember a time when my mother was not gracious and accommodating to each and every child who entered our home. Her willingness to treat all our friends the same as my sister and me was evidenced that she understood what “leaving no child behind” really meant. Her outward love was illustrated as she repeatedly fed everybody, provided a shoulder to other children to lean on, offered wise counsel when other children lacked direction and once even taught a friend and I how to slow dance so that we wouldn’t make a fool of ourselves at a middle school dance. My sister and I knew we were loved by our mom and our friends experienced that same love.
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Be a Great Friend
My mother has had the same friends for as long as I can remember. When I say friends I mean friends not acquaintances, not work colleagues…good ole fashioned F-R-I-E-N-D-S. Maxine, Margo, Evelyn, Mary, Gerri, Janet and Odessa. In a day when people call themselves friends simply because they have accepted a friend request on Facebook, my mother continues to have face time, real-time interaction with those who she loves, trusts and respects. At least once a month, she and her friends find time to commune with each other. I have learned from my mom that friends stay with you through thick and thin for a lifetime.
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Be Grateful For What You Have
We didn’t have a lot when we were growing up but I never really knew that I was missing anything. My mom always made it a point to remind me that I should always be appreciative for whatever I had. I was reminded that whatever I had was better than what someone else had. Knowing this, how could I possibly complain knowing someone else was worse off than I thought I was? Recognizing that things could be worse than you already have it is a great way to inspire a child to be thankful for what they have. Unlikely will you ever meet the child who says I want to trade places with someone who is worse off than me.
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Make Sure Your Child Knows That They Are Special
My mom use to make me feel special all the time that is until her grandson was born. Now, not so much! Seriously, my mom did her best to make sure that my sister and I had the best opportunities to succeed. My sister and I knew that we were special because there were no limits to which mom would go to help us and make sure we knew that we were loved. While in college – when young men like to act like they no longer need their mother’s – my friends congregated in my room each semester with their hands out and their mouths open wide waiting to enjoy some of the baked goods my mom would send in my care packages. It was obvious that I was special and my friends knew it t0o. They weren’t salivating over the cookies and cakes my mom sent me for nothing.
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Don’t Let Others Know If Things Are Bad
I call this the “Endure Hardness as a Good Soldier” rule. My mom’s life had its unfortunate share of tumultuous moments but if you were on the outside looking in you never would have known. She taught me not to be a person who seeks the pity or sympathy of others. She continues to endure life’s challenges with the hardness of a great warrior. I continue to marvel and learn that the human condition can withstand more than you would think. My mom has taught me that things seem less frightening once you stop spending your time obsessing about your challenges and instead focus on a solution. A solution that often times includes focusing on how you can be a comfort for someone else. Remember there is always someone worse off than you.
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Honor Your Mother and Father
My mother showed great reverence and was devoutly loyal to her parents. Although they are no longer living, my mother continues to revere and honor them each and every day as she steadily lives her life the way she was taught. I have learned from my mother that honoring parents is not a single event or a single act. Honoring one’s parents is a lifestyle that extends far beyond the presence of the parents. My mother has instructed me that whatever you do, you do not just for yourself you do to and/or for your parents.
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Forgive
This is a commandment that I have not been able to master with same grace as my mom. My mom has always been quick to forgive. I can’t remember a time as a child when she did not forgive me for some reprehensible action. I can’t remember a time when she withheld telling me that she loved me or hugging me to know that I was forgiven. I learned from my mom that while it was appropriate to tell your child that you were disappointed it was not appropriate to deny your child your forgiveness or your love.
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I’m Sorry
This is another commandment that I need to work on if I am ever going to master it the way my mother has. My mother is able to do what seems simple but is highly uncommon. My mom is able to admit to making an error and then apologizing. As a child, I knew many parents who refused to admit to making any mistakes. Far too many parents believe the word “parent” is synonymous with perfect. Parent, as I learned from my mom meant striving for perfection but being perfectly willing to admit and say I’m sorry when I fail.
Thanks mom for everything. I would be absolutely lost without your love, friendship and guidance. Know that I will do my best to keep your commandments just as you attempt to keep those your mother established for you to follow. I have a feeling though that mastering your directives are going to take me a bit more time. Nevertheless, no matter how challenging honoring the commandments may be, I’m going to do my best. Giving my best is the least that I can do to show you – not simply on Mother’$ Day but every day – how much I love and appreciate you.