While Naeem and I were walking through the Toronto Pearson International Airport, I noticed a sign that described everything one ever needs to know about parenting. In fact, while there is currently no universally accepted parenting guide (never fear and stay tuned because I have one in the works), the four words from this sign in the airport would be considered a good place to start.
The words are so profound that they should probably be tattooed (in temporary ink of course) on the forehead of every hormonally charged and sexually curious teen. It might even be wise and equally effective if the words were inscribed as a warning on condoms, birth control pills, potato chip bags, soda cans, driver’s licenses and any and all things that sexually charged teens come in daily contact with.
The Sign
Now back to the sign. There was that ominous sign. I looked at the sign for what seemed like hours but in reality it was only for a few brief seconds. During that time where I stared at the sign, I’ll call it my hallucinatory state – when all my entire being was focused and concentrated on the sign – I thought about my son as a teenage parent.
Now before I go any further, let me be perfectly clear that I love my son beyond measure, I think the world of him and believe that one day he is going to do something incredible something to change the world but today, right now, at this precise moment in time there is no way in hell that he is prepared to be the caregiver for a pet let alone a parent. Nope, nada, none, zilch…he ain’t ready!
The Case Against Naeem
Just the other day, I asked him to bring me some water. An hour later, as I was finally able to crawl up the steps – faint and barely able to breathe – on the brink of complete and total dehydration, I found my beloved son eating breakfast and watching TV. As I indistinctly whispered what I thought was going to be my final words to him, “what happened to my water?” He responded with the following “oh dad, my bad, I’m so sorry I forgot”.
I’m sure that his forgetting to bring his dehydrated deathly ill father the water he needed to continue living was an honest mistake but it is not something a parent who is responsible for the life and well-being of another can ever afford to do. This is why I contend Naeem being a parent right now would be colossal mess. He is not prepared to live the creed of the sign.
Hallucinatory State Continued
During my hallucinatory state, I further wondered how many parents with teenage children give any real thought to what kind of parent their child would be right now if they suddenly learned that their child were pregnant or had impregnated someone. I think most parents that I know particularly those who are fairly certain that their child is sexually active simply stick their heads in the sand and just hope that their children who are sexually active won’t become parents. However, statistics indicate that this sticking your head in the sand is not a good strategy and is a bit like playing Russian Roulette.
According to www.teenhelp.com “820,000 teens become pregnant each year. That means that 34 percent of teenagers have at least one pregnancy before they turn 20”. Even as sick as I have been the last several days, suffering from the worst viral infection of my life, 34 percent of teenagers still computes to an astounding fact that 1 in 3 parents of teenagers can expect at least one pregnancy before their child turns 20.
For You. The World.
Once, the hallucination had passed, I told Naeem to stop, turn around and read the sign behind him. The sign read “For You. The World”. There was no additional caption, there were no pictures…just the words which read “For You. The World.” With the seriousness of the best poker player playing his final hand and down to his final chip, I said to Naeem “you should only consider being a parent when you are willing to follow and live the words on the sign without excuse, exception or equivocation”.
The sign was a short word phrase that said and promised everything. Four words that indicate that a parent is not only willing and able to sacrifice everything for the well-being of their child but that the parent is more importantly convicted and committed to doing everything that will allow their child to grow to their full potential mentally, physically and spiritually. Hence, for you the world.
The World
During my conversation with my son, it is my hope that I sufficiently conveyed to him the imperative that realizing that giving your child the world should not be confused with satisfying all your child’s indulgences. That as a parent he should not feel the obligation of buying every toy and electronic gadget that a child ask for.
Nor does giving the world mean making certain that his child would have all the designer clothing and other personal luxuries they desire. In truth, I went on to explain to him that designer labels and expensive luxuries are more about the parent’s ego than they are about the children particularly among children who have yet to reach puberty.
For You
Giving your child the world, as I professed to my son, simply means preparing your child so that they have an opportunity to be a contributing member of society, the world. The universal goal of human beings is to see that each subsequent generation should always be able to build upon the successes of the previous generations.
I’m not sure exactly why it happened but towards the end of our conversation I slapped myself a few times. Perhaps it was the images caused by the combination of dehydration, the viral infection and the statistical evidence about teen pregnancy that I was trying desperately to get out of my mind.
The image of my son as a teen parent, me being a grandparent before age fifty, being the one who more than likely would be raising his son’s child or who would be the real responsible party in some type of shared custodial/financial arrangement with Naeem’s baby momma’s parents. Oh the horror of it all! Please make it stop!
Oh and please, no children for you and no grandchildren for me until you are ready to live and embrace “For You. The World.”
Have you raised a child who is prepared to be a contributing member of society? Are you doing everything you can to leave the world a better place than the day you arrived?