Do You Know The Golden Rule? Do You Really Believe In The Golden Rule?

Most children grow up to be parents who espouse the belief in the Golden Rule.  As parents, we endorse this Rule and trust that the Golden Rule will be a lifelong personal mission statement for our children.  Almost universally, parents believe that the application of the Golden Rule will make our children better people – more accountable adults – who will play an essential role in leading moving the planet in the best direction possible.

WHEN THE GOLDEN RULE IS NOT SO GOLDEN

However, what if I told you that this line of thinking is flawed.  Well, you don’t have to wonder “what if” because I’m stating unequivocally that this line of thinking is faulty.

Although, most parents know the words to the Golden Rule few of us understand what the “Rule” truly means.  It is the failure of parents to fully understand the Rule that negatively impacts our ability to nurture and instruct the youth of today.  Our inability to comprehend the Golden Rule hinders our ability to maintain long-lasting and authentic adult relationships.

Take a look at the dismal state of personal relationships and lack civility in our world today.  You need only watch five minutes of the news, and you will see all the evidence required to know that we live in a crumbling so-called “civil society.”

Our political leaders bash one another publicly without any regard.  Our children shoot and kill one another without any concern.  Parents abuse not only their children but other parent’s children without any apprehension.  The examples of civil decay are extensive, and the proof of our dying civil society is undeniable.

It seems unimaginable that the aforementioned malicious actions are committed in a nation and promulgated by a citizenry that universally espouses the belief in the Golden Rule.

YOU DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE GOLDEN RULE

The misunderstanding and misapplication of the Golden Rule begin as soon as you hear or read the words “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  After listening to and reading these words most people incorrectly believe that they should deal with people the way that they want to be treated.

What makes this interpretation of the rule tremendously flawed is that the focus on doing what is right is based on YOU.  YOU incorrectly become the measuring rod for how someone else should be treated.

Note to all who care about civility:  More often than not when YOU are the focus, YOU are the problem.  The predicament of incivility grows because other people have to count on YOU – someone who thinks they understand but doesn’t actually comprehend the Golden Rule – for them to be addressed civilly and respectably.

Typically, when the focus is on how YOU would want to be treated, the other party feels ignored, disrespected, cheated, and any number of other adjectives which describe not being treated equally and respectfully.  In short, the other party ends up feeling disrespected and treated contrary to the way they wanted to be considered.  The other party is left to surmise that either you do not believe in nor do you understand the Golden Rule.

THE STORY OF THE STARVING LOST WOMAN

Imagine this if you will.  A woman is lost in the wilderness for days without food.  She stumbles upon a home of a family who notices her confused state.  The family invites the starving wandering woman into their home for a bite to eat.

The lost woman is a vegan and as such she abstains from the consumption and use of any and all animal products.  Even after hearing and acknowledging the lost starving woman’s dietary requirements in advance, the family prepares and offers her steak and lobster for dinner.

The family considers this an excellent feast for one who has been lost and is starving.  Subsequently, when the woman graciously refuses the animal products, the family offers her the side dishes that they prepared: green beans seasoned with ham hocks and baked potatoes topped with cheese and bacon.

The starving woman storms out of the home as fast as one – who while weak from malnutrition – is capable of moving.  The woman’s frustration with the family caused her to leave her host’s home hungrier than she was when she initially entered.

A few days later, the local news station reports the death of a woman who apparently died from starvation.  The family sees the story on the news and immediately remembers the woman who they tried to help.  The family talks among themselves and agrees that the woman was foolish for not consuming what they offered to give her.

The family was convinced about their perception of the situation initially and remain so today. The family maintains that they did a good deed and by providing the woman with a non-vegan meal they followed the Golden Rule.  The family’s perspective is wrong.  The woman died from the family’s misapplication of the Golden Rule.

The woman was vegan.  The woman told the family of her dietary requirements, and yet the family chose not to feed her what she wanted and needed.  Instead, the family decided to feed the woman that which they would have desired and been able to eat if they – the carnivorous family – were lost and starving.  The family while well-intentioned like so many of us failed to recognize the correct application of the Golden Rule.  The proper use of the Golden Rule obligated the family to feed the woman that which she was able to eat – nonanimal products.

DON’T BE LIKE THE CARNIVOROUS FAMILY

Instead of following the Golden Rule, the family did what most of us do daily: we give others only that which we would want without knowing, understanding, appreciating and sometimes more disconcertingly without even really caring about what the other person actually wants and/or needs.  Too often we try to make others consume, ingest and digest those things (physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional) that we want, desire and need without giving any consideration to the other party for whom our interactions prove whether or not we truly believe in the Golden Rule.

Relationships of all types suffer from this routine and widely misunderstood interpretation of the Golden Rule.

Relationships with sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, etc. suffer from the misapplication of the Golden Rule.”

Don’t starve your relationship with your child or loved one by doing as the family who met the lost starving woman.  Find out what your child or loved one needs from you and provide that which they require for their physical, mental and emotional consumption, ingestion and digestion.

To be clear, when I say providing what a child or loved one needs, I am not referring to material goods or rewards for poor behavior. Instead, I am referencing love, respect, protection, and appreciation of your child or loved one.  I’m talking about being in tune with their needs and wishes.

Give these things to your child or loved ones in the same manner that YOU would want them given to YOU.  Give others what THEY need or want to feel respected, loved, protected and appreciated by YOU.

Take a moment today to ask your child(ren) and/or your loved one(s) “have I done unto you, as you would have had me do unto you”?  Consider whether you are treating your fellow human being in a way that evidences the correct understanding and application of the Golden Rule.