Like Father Like Son

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my son that was different than usual. Ordinarily, our conversations are light and upbeat. With him being so far away, I have done my best not to add to the challenges of being away from home by having those typical parent-child discussions. However, yesterday while discussing the dreaded, undetermined “future”, I found myself getting a little frustrated about all the angst my son seemed to have about the “next steps in his life”.

WHERE IS WALDO?

Just in case, you didn’t already know, Naeem has been in Brazil training and playing soccer with a Brazilian Academy. He only has a couple of credits to complete high school so rather than sitting in a classroom and wondering what if he devoted himself completely to the one thing that he is truly passionate about, we found an opportunity and encouraged him to leave – to throw caution to the wind and live life with no ifs, ands, buts, or regrets.

Well now that his time at the Academy, for this semester, is coming to a close all he appears to be able to think about are things that, in my opinion, are marginal or negative. Before he left for Brazil, I figured this was a great opportunity regardless of the outcome – the proverbial “no lose” proposition.

He would get to train and play soccer every day in a professional environment with professional players. He would be coached by coaches who have coached many of the top players in Brazil. He would be connected with an Academy that has an affiliation with one of the world’s top professional soccer clubs. Moreover, he would be living on his own which I expected would provide him with ample opportunity to grow as a human being and as a man.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT ASSUMPTIONS

Up until yesterday’s conversation, I assumed that he felt as I did about his time away. However, yesterday our conversation made me realize that he was having a difficult time acknowledging all that he had accomplished these last few months.

He has lived in another country which is something that I could have never imagined doing as a high school student. He trains and plays with current and future professional soccer players every day. He has been introduced and made connections with coaches, scouts, team administrators and players who might at some point be able to play a pivotal role in his life on or off the pitch. In my mind, life for him was great.

My thoughts were that he has something to build on – some insight on how to advance his goals and objectives. Although, he might not have all the specifics about his future, he has a lot more detail than he did six-months ago. Today, he knows a lot more about himself, what it takes to be a professional and if this is the life he really wants.

I figured that he was in better position to know what being grown really means and has probably has gained a perspective on life that only a few of his peers have been afforded. All good I thought. Unfortunately, my son could not see what I saw.

DO YOU NEED GLASSES?

Instead of looking back to see how far he had traveled, the pitfalls that he had avoided and the peaks and valleys that he had climbed and crossed, he simply focused on what looked like an immeasurable and daunting remaining journey. I must admit that the political correctness that I had exercised for the last several months was about to be tossed aside. I was about ready to blow a gasket. Why couldn’t he see what I saw? Why couldn’t he celebrate his successes? Why, because he is my son.

It dawned on me this morning that the person I was really frustrated with was myself. Eighteen years ago, almost to the day, I received my law and graduate degrees. It was sort of a big deal back then – as no one in the history of the school had completed both degree programs simultaneously. My family and friends were all in attendance to celebrate my accomplishment.

A “C” average, African-American guy from Gary, Indiana who was once told by his high school guidance counselor that the only prospects he had for the future were to join the military was being recognized for receiving multiple advanced degrees. Like my son, however, I was not able to take a moment to think about what I had accomplished and how unlikely my journey had been. Instead, just the same way as my son functioned, all I could think about were the things which I had not done and those things that I needed to do in the future.

LIKE FATHER LIKE SON

On graduation day, I lacked self-awareness and perspective to appreciate success. My wife was pregnant and I questioned my ability to care for a child who would not be born for seven months. I worried about upcoming job interviews even though I already had a job and another job offer.

As I walked towards the University President that day to receive my diplomas, I worried, I anguished and I fretted. If something bad happening could be imagined, I envisioned it happening. I was terrible company that graduation day. The only thing that I truly remember is my father telling me during the party my family planned for me was “you are ruining the celebration for everyone else”.

Like father like son. Without ever intending to do so, I have somehow saddled my son with one my least enviable traits. Today, I called my son and apologized for my demeanor yesterday. I also thanked him because I learned something about myself that I would have never learned without him.

Once more, my son has provided me with the challenge and opportunity to be a better father, to be a better man. This time my challenge starts not with mapping out every single detail of the future I desire. Instead this time my challenge starts with taking a moment to occasionally recognize, appreciate, and smell the roses of life’s journey.

Are you raising children who understand the importance of taking time to smell the roses?