The other afternoon, I received a phone call from a friend. He just finished reading the post “Life is Short and Childhood is Even Shorter” and had a question to ask. “Nate” he queried, “how do we avoid becoming Zombies?”
His question appeared simple enough but was actually very thought-provoking. How do we remain amongst the living – avoiding the trappings of becoming an animated corpse? How do parents stay awake and not become mindless creatures who simply adhere to obsolete practices and harmful customs? How do we raise children that won’t end up like most – routinely living each day without self-reflection or peripheral contemplation?
The best way that I know to answer any question is to provide insight into the who, what, where, when, why and how. So over the next few posts, I’ll attempt to explain who the Zombies are, what the Zombies want, where you can find the Zombies, when you are close to becoming a Zombie, why the Zombies exist and how to avoid becoming a Zombie. Most importantly, I hope to make it clear why you should do everything possible to remain among or return to the living.
Who Are the Zombies?
Zombies are sleepwalkers, automatons, robots. Zombies are humans who walk the surface of the earth without realizing that they are dead. Like the living, Zombies tend to have the same basic needs: food, clothing and shelter. However, Zombies function in a state of paralysis which when witnessed by the living sometimes seems like a drug induced trance – a trance leaving them seemingly incapable of making decisions that could enhance the quality of life and improve their condition.
To introduce Zombies to you, I will do so by describing their dietary practices and habits. This should provide a glimpse into who the Zombies are.
Zombies in the Morning
Zombies wake each morning generally feeling exhausted, badly in need of a drug to start the day. Their drug of choice is usually administered through a coffee cup, a plastic bottle or a large Styrofoam cup with a straw. Inside the container is a brown or caramel colored liquid drug which they drink not only in the morning but mindlessly throughout the day. This is but the first of many substances they voluntarily and willingly consume to expedite their trance like deceased state.
At approximately the same time each day, Zombies have breakfast before making their way to town. Some of the Zombies eat at home while others grab something on their way. You will find them lined up – sitting in their shiny constantly depreciating motorized vehicles which spew poisonous fumes into the environment – at the Life Deficiency Filling Stations between 6 am and 8 am.
You will see them as they lifelessly drive through to pick up their order of speedy anti-sustenance. At home or at the Life Deficiency Filing Stations, the walking dead happily consume that which only expedites their degrading stature.
The Zombies first meal of the day consists of vast carbohydrates, excessive calorie, sugary diabetes inducing, high sodium, bleached sugar, bleach enriched flour and artificial flavored items such as cereals, pancakes, muffins, waffles, toast and bagels. In addition to the carbohydrate concentrated items, the Zombies typically supplement their first meal with processed, artery hardening fat, high cholesterol animal based and processed items like ham, sausage, bacon and eggs.
Zombies in the Afternoon
The Zombies second meal of the day is much like the life degrading first. This meal regularly consists of two slices of additive, preservative and bleached enriched white bread with processed-drug induced meat, processed cheese, artificial condiments and occasionally a token amount of vegetables in between.
Complementing the sandwich, the living dead consume deep fat fried potatoes. The Zombies top off this second meal with none other than an additional dose of the coffee or caramel colored liquid drug which is again administered through a coffee cup, a plastic bottle or a large Styrofoam cup with a straw.
There are also a collection of less lucid Zombies that you should be on the look for. These more incoherent Zombies migrate each day in areas inside or outside a building regardless of the temperature so that they may insert a small paper cylinder – stuffed item with another brown drug containing thousands of chemicals including many that cause cancer – between their lips.
If you can believe this the life reducing drug inside this paper tube – unlike the coffee or caramel colored liquid – is ignited at one end while the Zombie inhales the drug from the other end.
The trance holding these toxic tube inhaling Zombies is so strong that they voluntarily and willingly consume this drug despite the large warning label on the package. These Zombies are among those who are least likely to ever return to their living state. These Zombies even have the power to transform you into a Zombie by simply exhaling the toxic tube when they are in your presence.
Zombies in the Evening
The Zombies’ dinner is much like the first two meals consisting of high calories, high carbohydrates, excessive sweeteners, excessive additives and preservatives, high fat, few if any fresh vegetables, and the of course, brown liquid (sometimes dyed to appear clear) drug administered through a cup, glass, or bottle. Often times, you will find the Zombies consuming this third meal while sitting on the couch watching a large screened box showing a Zombie “reality” program.
(Note: Zombie reality programs are programs where Zombies sit around and watch other Zombies on their large screened boxes. Zombies watch these programs for one of two reasons: they wish they could be like the stupefied creatures on the screen or watching the comatose beings makes them feel better about their own catatonic state.)
Before long, the Zombies have fallen asleep on the couch, inside their over-sized coffins known as their home. The fatigue, the reason they fall to sleep, is caused from all the day’s strenuous physical activity (insert sarcasm) and from the mental and emotional exertion required to watch “reality” programs. If the Zombies happen to awaken from this stupor, they do so solely to do the same mindless things over and over and over again.
Have you seen a Zombie recently? Take a look at the next post where I will tell you how to see one up close and personal.