Form a Single Line, Be Quiet and Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Remember when you were in your primary grades and you had to line up orderly before going anywhere?  Your teacher would escort the whole class to lunch, the library, during a fire drill or to the gym.  Everyone was expected to walk one behind the other in a straight line.  We were expected to keep our hands to our sides and be very silent while walking down the hallway so that we didn’t disturb any other class.

Most of us had no problem following the simple instructions that the teacher provided.  However, there was always one or two of our classmates who simply could not be bothered with following instructions.  Instead, these reluctant rules followers always found it necessary to do whatever they wanted.

We walked in a straight line; they weaved in and out of line.  We walked with our hands to our sides; they pushed the person in front of them in the back, slapped them on the head or neck and flicked the nearest classmate on the ear.  We walked silently; they belched out loud in a most obnoxious fashion and said rude and crude things out loud and blamed it on someone else.

I can remember how long a short walk could take.  The hour we had for gym or lunch could be reduced to half the time because of the civil derelicts.  I remember thinking to myself that I can’t wait to grow up; the thought that somehow becoming an adult would eliminate any future possibility of ever having to contend with this type of behavior again.  Boy was I ever wrong.  For whatever reason, the procedure that worked so well to aid us as children that first taught us about civility doesn’t seem to receive the same application as adults.

So I am sadden to admit and report, the civil derelicts still exist.  The civil derelicts are very much alive and well.  They grew up if you call growing up inhabiting adult bodies.  While getting larger, they did not mature.  In fact, they are much worse in their adult bodies than they were in their actual child bodies.

Today the civil derelicts purchase seats on the same airline with you.  You will be able to spot them clearly the moment the plane lands.  They are the ones that stand-up long before the doors of the plane open.  You will know the civil derelicts by their inability to form an orderly dismissal from the plane.  Never mind that they are seated twelve rows behind you, the civil derelicts rush up to the front of the plane with a sense of entitlement reserved for someone who is actually important like a King, Queen or President.

Regardless of age or gender, these self-absorbed full-grown toddlers will bully their way to the front of the plane (pushing and shoving other passengers) only to stand in the way and go nowhere.  Exiting the plane could be so much more efficient and convenient if these over-sized trouble making children would simply follow the same rules they learned in grade school – form a single line, be quiet and keep their hands (luggage) to themselves.  Alas, this is not the case.

If traveling with them was not bad enough, these misfits of civility have not only married and even spawned children but they have also created communities devoid of civility.  The offsprings, the miniature and future civility rejects, are multiple times worse than their parents.

Not only do they attend grade school with and bully your children; they stand up at the college sporting event that you attend when you visit your children during parent’s weekend – wreaking of alcohol and obstructing your view during the entire game; and if they graduate from college they can often be found in the news having been convicted of some financial or political scandal.

This is the world that is created when we don’t find a way to get all the children to follow the basic classroom dismissal policy of grade school.  So the next time you travel and you see the civil derelict making their way to the front of the plane from twelve rows or even from one row back, do the majority of us a great favor.  Step into the aisle so that they cannot pass.  Move forward as slowly as possible so that you allow all the people ahead of you to get off the plane first.

You never know, you might just slow the civil derelict down long enough to delay them from expanding their unwelcomed community, instigating the next national or international civil unrest, initiating the next financial collapse or embarking in some political indiscretion.

At worse if you aren’t able to stop them from any of the aforementioned societal disrupting behavior, you might save an elder, woman, child or one with physical limitations from being trampled.  One can even hope that maybe just maybe the civil derelict will even thank you for keeping them from running off to an empty luggage carousel and expending some unnecessary energy that they could use to break another rule.