On a daily basis something is said, written or televised about children and how children are stressed out. Whenever a child misbehaves at home or school or does something bizarre like engage in violent or criminal behavior, society’s initial response is to examine what type of stressors existed in the child’s life.
The ensuing assumption is that the child must have some alphabet soup chemical, mental or emotional imbalance (ADD, ADHD, ASPD, BPD, OCD, PTSD etc.) that can only be “cured” by Big Pharma; someone must have been bullying the child at school; or the child must be the victim of some horrific cruelty at home.
On too many occasions – by the way with one of these incidents alone being too many – these are accurate reasons for children being stressed out. However, more often than not these are not alone the factors that raise the stress levels of our children.
Star Trek
At other times when a child’s behavior is unsettling, it is suggested that children are more stressed today than ever because they happen to be growing up in the age of Wi-Fi, the Cloud and smart phones. The assertion is that the world is so advanced and complicated that children are having a hard time adjusting.
Today’s children are just like every other previous generation of children. Each generation has always functioned like the crew of the USS Enterprise – to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Today’s children are not prehistoric humans only recently thawed out from a great freeze who are suddenly being asked to coexist in a 21st century world. Today’s children are evolutionary marvels who are more technological advanced than any generation in the history of the world.
Children today have the mental and emotional capacity to do great and amazing things, things that other generations could not have ever imagined. So what appears on the surface to be a rational justification for stressed children – “the world is just so different” – is in the words of Mr. Spock “highly illogical”.
Gone Are Typewriters, Dial-up Internet and Film Cameras
Speaking of logic, I will grant you that the world is different than it was when I was a child but I am different as well. My parents use to drive me around in a car without anti-lock brakes, seat belts (lap belts existed when I was a child), a car seat or air bags. Today, if I did any of these things I would be considered a horrible parent and might even be ticketed and/or worse arrested for child endangerment. I believe scientist would define this as advancement in automobile safety as progress, evolution.
And while technological progress has certainly made the world different from when I was a child, the world is in many ways still the same world it has always been. The world, a place where succeeding generations advance society in ways preceding generations never considered. Advancing civilization has always been and will always be the name of the game.
Ooh ooh ooh, I Know The Answer
Now that you know what is not the primary cause of stressed children, I suppose I should enlighten you about what is the actual cause. Drum roll please! The real culprit for the increased stress levels of children are parents. Parenting – the unrecognized, unappreciated profession of child-rearing.
Today’s children lack impactful, purposeful and intentional parenting. More and more, parenting has become the responsibility of everyone but – let’s see if you have been paying attention – you guessed it, the parents! Instead of studying, training and continuing to educate ourselves on the art of being parents, far too many mothers and fathers spend the majority of their time and energy devoted to anything but perfecting the “art of parenting”.
In the case of our profession, we inaccurately believe that our first and most important occupation is performed at our place of employment rather than at home nurturing the life that we created.
Not Just Any Villager
I know it is common to espouse the expression that it takes a village to raise a child but our understanding of this phrase is only partially correct. Truthfully, it takes a village of impactful, purposeful, intentional, knowledgeable, thoughtful parenting savants to help raise today’s children. And for the record, seeking the assistance of the village idiot will not only not never do but it is not in the spirit of the expression.
Teachers, coaches, school counselors, social service employees, therapist, pharmaceutical representatives, etc. are now all being asked to do what parents once did and should be doing. If asking others to do what we should be doing ourselves is not bad enough, we are expecting people who are frequently unqualified and/or lack the competency (click the hyperlink) to raise their own children adequately to take on the additional responsibility of parenting our children.
The More Things Change, the More They Stay the Same
The pressure kids face regardless of the sophistication of society or the complexity of the issues are – as a wise man once told me – always about making choices. Choosing good over bad, choosing right over wrong, choosing life over death are issues every preceding generation had to deal with and are issues every succeeding generation will have to deal with.
Ethical issues, just like parents, have existed since the beginning of time and they will continue to exist until the end of time. Shamefully, the end of time could arrive sooner than we think if we don’t solve our parenting problem.
The question we must ask ourselves today is whether we will continue to put our children in harm’s way and endanger the future of the planet as we are currently doing or are we going to take parenting seriously. Mr. Spock would likely tell us that the logical response would be to study, train and continue to educate ourselves on parenting. Mr. Spock would almost certainly express that there is a great probability of a less than promising future if we don’t immediately improve as parents.
I don’t know about you but I don’t need or want to wait for Mr. Spock to tell me that a world combined with the proliferation of poor parenting, technological advancements and nuclear armaments is a recipe not solely guaranteed to increase the stress levels in our children but a formula to cause far greater peril than the crew of the USS Enterprise has ever seen. In the words of Mr. Spock, not to become better parents so that we can reduce the stress in our children’s lives is “highly illogical”.
What are you doing to become a better parent? What are you doing to make sure your child isn’t so stressed out?